You’re probably better at loving other people than yourself

Amy Fenster Brown, Special To The Jewish Light

Published April 19, 2026

Just days ago, I blew out candles on a cake celebrating my latest trip around the sun. Birthdays are fun, especially if you love attention. You get calls and texts from family and friends, social media posts from random acquaintances, maybe a gift card or jewelry from those closest to you. You revel and delight in the celebration of yourself.

Oddly, on this day, you didn’t actually do anything spectacular or worthy of such fanfare. Your mom did. You literally just showed up. Still, feeling special and loved is absolutely incredible, plus you get dessert! And all you had to do was be yourself.

What if we could take that feeling and energy and celebrate ourselves regularly? Loving yourself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

There are many terms to describe this practice. Following the word “self” with “love,” “care” or “compassion” are just a few examples.

There is a fine line between self-care and self-destruction. For instance, I ate a fat free yogurt as my lunch, which paves the way nicely for the party size bag of tortilla chips I plan to eat for dinner. Yesterday, I worked out but also inhaled a pizza I will refer to as a “personal pizza” because I demolished that thing solo. We can do anything we put our minds to.

We’ve probably all messed up loving other people, what with relationship breakups and all. In my case, I loved who I thought the guy could be. Maybe that’s why so many of us stay in toxic relationships or even platonic friendships for too long. We think the person will magically become what we want. You’re not drinking spoiled milk past the expiration date, so why not throw out the rotten boyfriend once he’s gone bad? In both cases the smell should be a warning.

But you? You’re better than that. You’re so lovable. Even with your annoying quirks and bad habits, you can still be the one that you want.

Sure, you might have to have tough conversations with yourself here and there. Mine usually start with, “Honey, I love you, but you have got to get your act together.” That’s when I summon the self-respect to eat only half the bag of tortilla chips and add salsa because that’s vegetables.

Do I love myself? Well, I can tolerate myself. I put up with my own ridiculous mishigas day in and day out. If that’s not loving myself, I don’t know what is.

It’s God’s will, written right there in Leviticus 19:18: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” That’s not just a Jewish concept, it’s a core tenant of many religions including Christianity, Buddhism, Hinduism, Islam and the church of iconic drag queen, RuPaul.

At the end of every episode of the show “RuPaul’s Drag Race,” she says, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”

So between God and RuPaul, you’ve been schooled.

Now, can I get an amen up in here?