Weird weather and its accompanying annoying allergies. It’s time to do some spring cleaning. Not just in your house, but also in your soul. There’s a lot of heavy stuff built up in there, and this is your chance to clean it out and start fresh.
In your home, you will declutter, deep clean and open the windows to allow fresh air to circulate. In your soul, you will remove bad feelings and yucky emotional buildup and vent your little tuchus off to start fresh. Let’s start with the venting.
OK, ladies, why do we all do this: You’re wearing something pretty, you look adorable and you’re facing a day of compliments. Yet each time someone tells you they like what you’re wearing, you respond with, “Oh, I got it on sale.” Or perhaps, “This? I found it on the clearance rack.” Someone is giving you a compliment you deserve because you’re so stinking cute. The proper response is, “Thank you.”
The husbands have taken notice and, for that to happen, we really must be doing it too much. Mine notices it every time and asks why women do this. He’s right. We downplay our fabulousness when we really should drink it in like a fruity cocktail with an umbrella on top. Chug! Chug! Chug!
It’s similar to when someone says, “Thank you.” You’ll hear people reply, “No problem, it’s OK, no worries.” The one proper response to thank you is, “You’re welcome.” Even if it was no big deal, someone is taking the time to thank you, so respond properly.
Why are certain things cute for babies and little kids but not for adults? I’m jealous of the babies who get sweet little smiles when their thighs are a series of fat rolls. Cute on them, not on me.
You know that game of “How big is the baby?” You raise your hands, and then the baby raises his hands and you say, “Sooo big.” Also, not cute for adults.
If someone is wearing something unflattering that makes them look bigger than they really are, I’m dying to raise my hands and say, “How big is Jessica?” in hopes she raises her hands in the air and I scream, “Sooo big” and she gets the hint that the white puffy shirt might not be Jessica’s best look. We just say nothing. Poor Jessica has no idea she should return that puffy shirt or maybe set it on fire.
We should come together as a group and figure out a way to banish cling wrap (brand name Saran Wrap). It’s the worst. It doesn’t cling as promised in the title, at least not when you want it to. You rip off a section and it only clings to itself, like a little ball of clear chaos. So, by the time you get it to your dish, you can’t pull it apart, and then it never wraps and sticks underneath. We can put a man on the moon, but we can’t figure out how to make cling wrap cling?
There’s the fancy kind with one sticky side (brand name Press’n Seal). That stuff is magical, easy to use and sticks when you want it to. I’m a fan of Press’n Seal even though it is spelled wrong.
Fun fact: My pet peeve is when businesses spell things weird to be cute, like Kwik-E-Mart or Krispy Kreme. Those doughnuts would be just as delicious if their brand was spelled properly. I would happily wrap my Crispy Cream doughnut in Press and Seal.
We should also take a collective stand against bay leaves. Any recipe with a bay leaf in it needs to be adjusted to not have a bay leaf in it. Who agrees that the bay leaf does nothing? It is expensive and worthless, not adding enough flavor to justify the hunt for a bay leaf that costs more than it should. You put it in the soup recipe, leave it there for a bit and then take it out. You might as well put a couple dollar bills in the soup pot, let them simmer and then throw them away. I can get a leaf from my backyard, drop it in the pot and it would do the same thing: no flavor, no point, no bay leaf.
Middle of the night bathroom trips are driving me crazy. Mother needs her beauty rest, and disrupting my precious shuteye isn’t cool. So, I have to go on post-dinner beverage restriction. By the time it’s snooze-o’clock, I’m dehydrated and need a few sips of something, which I’m going to pay for about 2 a.m. Me no likey.
I feel so clean, so fresh, so ready for spring, don’t you? I encourage you to personalize your soul spring cleaning and vent beyond the work we did here, like homework.
Oy, let’s vent about homework.
