Kids, these days. No one knows what they’re talking about! It’s probably the same stuff we talked about when we were young but with new words.
Remember being young, when you didn’t have back pain and went out for the evening at 10 p.m.? Those days are long gone.
For those of us with kids or grandkids in their teens, we often hear words we don’t understand — that is, when they actually speak to us. One generation’s “groovy” is another generation’s “sick.” And when a Jewish mother hears the word sick, she panics.
As in years past, I am going to help you decode the trendy lingo modern day teens use to communicate.
Motion — Things are moving in a positive direction when you’ve got motion. Money, romantic interests, life is really going your way.
“With college acceptances and scholarships rolling in, Leo has got motion!”
Aura — An old term with a refreshed definition. These days, aura is more specific to your level of cool. If you have aura, the energy of the room changes just by you walking into it. Aura is fluid so, if you do something cool, it boosts your aura points. And if you do something embarrassing your aura points are down the toilet.
“Dressed head to toe in Banana Republic, Jeff’s aura was off the charts high when he walked into work surrounded by engineers in white socks and black shoes.”
Pape — Short for paper but, in this case, the recycled trees refer to money. Dollars. Bills. Did you just get paid? Then you have pape!
“Anyone can have the kind of money that jingles, but if you have the kind that folds, you’ve got pape.”
Mewing — This is like a fitness regimen for your jawline so you look strong and attractive without Kardashian level contour makeup. In the exercise of mewing, you press your tongue to the roof of your mouth to get the look. This allegedly works on the spot for photos. Repeat mewing is a workout for a more defined jawline.
“Every time the cat mews, I remember to do my own mewing to shape my jawline, even though nobody will actually ever notice it.”
Mogging — This is when you’re better than others at something, although one could argue that if you have to obnoxiously announce it, you likely have low self-esteem and need to compensate by bragging — or mogging.
Of course, you could simply be confident in your achievement and can actually back up your mogging. You don’t just walk the walk, you mog the talk.
“Leo’s friend Ephraim is the height mogger, but Leo is the grade point average mogger.”
Opp — An opp is a shady character, the enemy, a person who is your opposition. For example, Cardinals fans know that Cubs fans are opps, and they are not to be trusted.
“When Jeff grounded Davis from going out, Davis declared Jeff was an opp holding him back from opportunity.”
Sigma — You know how the person in charge is called the alpha? Well sigma is even better. When you are a sigma, you are at the height of the chain, the one with top billing, the person who is, well, better than everyone else.
“Gassing up the rental car, Jeff knew which side the tank was on because he looked for the little arrow on the dashboard pointing it out. Such a sigma move.”
Crash out — This one has nothing to do with falling asleep at 8:30 p.m. If you are triggered and go bonkers, yelling at everyone and throwing a tantrum, you are soooo crashing out.
“The customer isn’t always right, as proven by the one who crashed out at customer service screaming that the checkout line was too long and she had somewhere important to be because her time is more valuable than everyone else’s.”
Next time you talk to a teen, your aura points will go through the roof, since you’ll be making a sigma move knowing all the trendy slang. They’ll know you’re not an opp based on your motion. Snap a pic to prove your mewing is mogging theirs. Be sure to flash some pape and someone in the room will crash out in no time.
