David Berwald remembers when he met his wife, Gayle.

“I was a freshman in college when I was set up with her at a rush party,” recalls Berwald, a University of Cincinnati graduate who grew up in University City.

Today, the couple have been married for more than 60 years. Their lives changed in 2021 when Gayle was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.

“I felt like I lost my person,” Berwald says.

Soon after, he stepped into the role of caregiver.

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At first, he was able to care for Gayle at home with minimal outside support. But as the disease progressed, demands steadily increased.

“It gradually reached a point where there were so many responsibilities that my children and I would have conversations: ‘Can I keep this going?’ ” he says.

Berwald was also dealing with his own health issues. He had recently been diagnosed with prostate cancer.

“I was going to get radiation to start my day and then come home and make breakfast for her and for me,” he says. “And between the radiation for me and the difficulties that she was having, I sort of wore out.”

That’s when Berwald and his daughter Lynne Stein knew that Gayle needed additional support.

Stein, who lives in Austin, Texas, made frequent trips back to her hometown of St. Louis to help her father explore care options for Gayle. They considered several programs in the area, but none felt like the right fit. Some had higher staff-to-participant ratios, while others lacked specialized services or embraced outdated approaches to care.

“We realized we had to focus on things that would both stimulate her and bring her joy,” Stein says.

As longtime members of the St. Louis Jewish Community Center, they learned about the Adult Day Center at the J. Soon after, Gayle joined the nonprofit’s Connections program, which serves older adults with cognitive or physical conditions as well as active, mature adults.

Changing perspectives

Ashley Stockman grew up as a caregiver to her grandmother who lived with multiple sclerosis. It was an experience that shaped her understanding of just how transformative supportive services can be.

“She declined quickly and passed well before her time, which I believe may not have been the case had services like Adult Day at the J been an option for her,” says Stockman, the former director of programs, life enrichment and adult day services at the J.

Adult day care programming at the J has been a part of the organization since 1979. In 2016, the program was reintroduced as Adult Day, a rebranding effort designed to raise community awareness and dispel outdated perceptions about adult day services.

In addition to Connections, the J also offers IN, which stands for INdependence, INclusion, INgenuity and INspire. The program is designed for younger adults with disabilities and focuses on building skills and fostering independence.

Adult Day participants can benefit from a wide range of J amenities, including fitness centers and pools, kosher meals, and therapeutic, enrichment-based activities such as music, horticulture and intergenerational programming. Participants might start a visit with activities ranging from meditation or Tai Chi to swimming to Jewish music, trivia or a library outing.

“They’re playing bingo, they’re coloring, they’re walking on the track, they might be going swimming, they’re going on a field trip,” says Nicole Hawkins, the chief operating officer at the J.

Adult Day operates out of the Staenberg Family Complex near Creve Coeur, which can accept 50 participants, Hawkins says, and the Marilyn Fox Building in Chesterfield, which can accept 36 participants. The staff-to-participant ratio at each location is one staffer to every six participants.

Programming runs Monday through Friday, and transportation is available within a defined service area.

For many caregivers, however, reaching out for support can feel overwhelming. Feelings of guilt or uncertainty crop up and, after the winter holidays, some families are just beginning to recognize that a loved one may need additional support.

“They are realizing, ‘Oh, you know what, they might need a little extra help,’ ” Hawkins says. “If you’re not sure where to start, or you’re not sure how to get going, anyone is welcome to reach out, and we can help connect you with our services or other services in the community.”

Adult Day at the J is enrolling at both of its locations. Participants do not need to be members of the J to join the program, and enrollment does not require a specific diagnosis.

A range of funding options is available, including private pay, Veterans Affairs benefits, Medicaid, Missouri Department of Mental Health Medicaid waivers and long-term care insurance. Scholarships are offered for families with financial need.

The program is open to all faiths, backgrounds and abilities.

Making new memories

Gayle Berwald, who has moved into the Dolan Memory Care Homes, an assisted living facility in St. Louis County, still recognizes her husband despite a steady decline in memory.

Sometimes David will pick up his wife and the two will go for a walk or out to eat.

Gayle still attends programming at the J two to three times a week and has retained much of her friendly, gregarious personality.

“She’s never met a stranger,” says Stein, her daughter.

Through the J’s program, Gayle has built new and longstanding connections, including with staff member Jan Barron, who once taught her daughter at Congregation B’nai Amoona’s preschool.

“My mom recognized her and remembered her,” Stein says. “It was an instant connection, and she felt immediately at ease.”

That familiarity and sense of belonging mean a lot to Gayle’s family.

“I feel incredibly fortunate that this program exists in St. Louis,” Stein says.

Motivated by her family’s experience, Stein is now collaborating with Jewish Family Services in Austin to help establish a similar program there.

In the meantime, she finds reassurance in knowing that her mother is in a place where she is seen, appreciated and supported.

“She’s still a person and can do so much,” Stein says.