When Hillary Friedman moved to St. Louis 45 years ago, her background in social work and psychology made her a perfect candidate for a volunteer role at St. Louis University Hospital. She and her husband, Bill Friedman, an otolaryngologist, attended a hospital social gathering where she met the head of psychiatry.
“We started talking and he said, ‘I’m starting a new course for first- and second-year medical students called Medical Skills Communication,’ ” Hillary Friedman said. “That’s a fancy way of saying teaching doctors how to talk to patients. He said, ‘You’re a social worker, you talk — would you like to be involved in the course?’ And I said sure. That was my first experience doing volunteer work.”
The new med students had a good knowledge of the clinical aspects of their field but often had difficulty making small talk with patients. As a result, their bedside manner suffered. Improving that skill was an important part of their development.
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“When they come out of medical school, they’re crammed with facts but they have very little patient experience,” Friedman said. “When patients feel that the doctor is hearing them, they’re more likely to follow the course of treatment the doctor prescribes. When the doctors related better to patients, patients did better medically.”
Using her knowledge to help improve the quality of medical care was a fulfilling experience. It was just the start of her volunteer journey. She became active in Jewish Family Services, offering workshops and seminars. Friedman helped families cope with teenage suicide and helped run group therapy sessions for adoptive parents.
In 1992, she and Fern Hammerman developed a joint National Council of Jewish Women-St. Louis and JFS child abuse prevention program. It eventually expanded to a statewide effort that serves 40,000 children per year.
Friedman, a New York native, was raised in what she describes as a “very psychologically oriented family.”
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“My younger sister is a psychoanalyst,” she said. “My mother was a guidance counselor and later became a principal. So we were just geared that way.”
Friedman earned her undergraduate degree in sociology and psychology from Queens College in New York. She received a graduate degree in social work from Columbia University. In 1974, she was working with a hospital patient who had attempted suicide. The patient was also being treated by a young doctor. That’s how she met Bill Friedman.
For the past 15 years, Hillary Friedman has worked tirelessly for the St. Louis Jewish Book Festival, a natural fit for someone who loves to read.
“I like to learn things,” she said. “When I was a kid, I used to love going to the stacks in libraries. I love biographies because I’m always looking for the why. Why did this person become who they are?”
Most of Friedman’s free time these days is devoted to NCJWSTL programs. She plays a key role in the Resale Shop’s Couturier fundraising event.
“I grade and price all the jewelry for the Couturier sale with two other members,” she said. “I do research on everything. You learn about the jewelry, including the designer and how it was made.”
Friedman embodies all the qualities an organization looks for in a great volunteer, said Ellen Alper, CEO of NCJWSTL.
“She understands the mission and why the work is so important,” Alper said. “She does what she says she’s going to do. She steps up to the plate when we need her to step up to the plate, and she does it with grace and with kindness.
“She works extraordinarily well with other volunteers, and she’s really dedicated to what she’s doing. She has chaired our Advisory Council for 20-plus years. It’s a group of community leaders that we bring together quarterly to help us with big-picture stuff. I can’t even tell you the number of times Hillary has stepped up to help with the Resale Shop and Couturier.”
The skills Friedman acquired in her career in social work have also benefitted her volunteer work, said Susan Katzman, NCJWSTL past president and board member.
“I find that she really uses those skills in just about everything she does in terms of being able to listen to people, being able to size up situations and figure out the best responses,” Katzman said. “Hillary is not somebody to make snap judgment or make snap decisions on things. She needs to think about something and digest it and then come back with thoughts and solutions. I think very often those come from that social work background.
“When you look at what she’s been engaged in with NCJW since the early years as well as what she’s engaged in in the community with the Jewish Book Festival, she is highly dependable and very loyal and has a great deal of integrity about what she does.”
Friedman said the volunteer hours she puts in with NCJWSTL is time well spent.
“Council is amazing,” she said. “The women there are so committed to the different programs, like Back to School! Store and Healing Hearts Bank. I’m very proud to be associated in whatever small way I can offer to this organization.”
The biggest reward of volunteering, Friedman said, is the experiences one gains. While working on the Jewish Book Festival, Friedman picked up Ruth Westheimer to drive her to an author’s event. Dr. Ruth offered well-wishes to six fellow travelers who recognized her. They were tall, beefy wrestlers in town for a convention. Friedman vividly remembers the unusual encounter.
“They were all about 6 feet 6 inches tall and she was tiny,” Friedman said. “She turned to each one and said, ‘You vill have good sex, you vill have good sex,’ and they all said, ‘Thank you, Dr. Ruth!’ I thought to myself, ‘No one will believe this!’ ”
Besides those priceless memories, Friedman said, the best part of volunteering is learning.
“You meet people from different walks of life, and from different places,” she said. “And you learn lots of things. That becomes part of you. Also, you make new friends, wonderful friends.”
Hillary Friedman
Age: 75
Home: Clayton
Family: Hillary and her husband, Bill Friedman, have two sons.
Fun fact: She loves to watch classic black-and-white movies.
