I understand that there are some of you who oppose same-sex marriage on intensely held religious or moral principles. While I personally disagree with you, I respect your right to hold and verbalize your views, and to engage them in your private lives.

OK, now that that heartfelt sentiment is out there, let me address that subset within the opposition to gay marriage who would try to drive social wedges and foment hatred regarding the issue.

Give up. It’s a loser. The only choir you’re preaching to is those who already agree with you. You’re not going to get new audiences for your views, and you’re certainly not going to persuade your kids.

You can’t make your kids hate gay marriage, no matter how hard you try.

You can’t do it through state constitutional amendments banning same-sex marriage. That may make you feel good about advancing your hate, but folks will just leave your state to another to get married, or will move altogether. And in the bargain you’ll lose business for your state’s marriage vendors, real estate agents, and other financial ventures.

You can’t do it through fiery public rhetoric talking about the moral collapse of civilization by virtue of the issue. That may whip up the base, but no one else is listening.

You can’t do it by saying that two people of the same gender getting married makes it more likely that their child will “turn gay.” It’s not only insulting, it’s without any scientific evidence whatsoever.

The reason you can’t do it is because there’s little hate there. The hate is a remnant that’s swiftly drifting away on the current of time.

I’m sure some of you don’t like it that this issue makes you feel out of touch because it has no resonance whatsoever among your children or grandchildren. The statistics are indeed striking: A Pew Research Center April 2012 poll shows 63 percent of those born in 1981 or later support same-sex marriage, compared to 39 percent of Boomers (born ‘46-’64) and 30 percent of those born from 1928-1945.

I’m sure you don’t like it because it gives you no political edge. You can’t get the same votes twice, and there’s no constituency that will grow as a result of opposition to gay marriage.

But really, the reason you can’t do it and you don’t like is that your kids by and large don’t hate gays or see a gay lifestyle as evil.

They don’t. It doesn’t matter if they’re in mainstream suburbia, the inner city or rural America. They all see the same Facebook. They all see the same TV shows. They all buy the same music. And it all incorporates gay culture just as it incorporates ethnic (including Jewish), racial and other heterogeneous aspects of American society.

Some of their most revered icons are gay. Actors and actresses. Top 40 singers. Star athletes.

And some of their most revered role models are gay. Teachers. Siblings. Political leaders.

If anything, your kids are confused and really don’t understand why their parents are trying to stand in the way of people’s happiness.

They don’t buy your arguments about moral decay. You don’t give them enough credit; they pretty much understand the difference between, say, Joseph Kony and gay marriage. They know one is an evil specimen bent on killing and torturing adults and children, and the other is an issue of people’s declaration of love for each other.

And they understand the difference between sexual abuse and child abuse, on the one hand, and gay marriage on the other. They know that the former are about pathological illness, sadism and control and the latter about creating a stable life between caring partners.

They see many opponents pluckselectively about homosexuality from your Bibles at the same time that all sorts of other proscriptions and prohibitions in the same religious texts are ignored, and they wonder what it is about this that makes it so much more dastardly in their parents’ eyes.

They don’t see gay couples committing more crimes, treating their children worse, being less productive.

They look at war and unemployment and crime and greed and they really, really wonder how the question of whether two adults can get married should fit into their worldview about what makes this a better place. And they’re not buying what you’re selling.

Maybe you’re concerned because gay couples might as a whole be more liberal than not. I’m sure that worries some of you. But to tell you the truth, I don’t think people are any more or less liberal or conservative by virtue of their sexual preference. If anything, I think any perceived or actual liberality from the gay community may come from being and feeling persecuted throughout history and thus rebelling against the oppressive status quo.

Hmm. Come to think of it, isn’t that why many Jews are more liberal than conservative, too?

So as you expend your energies, out of hate, political desperation, whatever it is, I suggest you take a deep breath and reconsider that upon which you might focus your children’s attention.

Encourage them to advocate for a more loving, caring, nurturing world, where people are treated with respect and admiration, at least until they give you a reason not to do so.

Help them receive an excellent education so they can develop skills that will enable them to make a living at something they enjoy, and to give back to their community with civic commitment.

Show them what loving relationships mean so that they will find their own life mates and raise healthy, happy, loving and caring children of their own.

We have so much need of hearts and minds to help us figure out how to make the world better. It’s a true waste of time, energy and intelligence to dwell on seething that can only make it worse.