When was the last time you really stared into another person＊s eyes?  If you can remember that moment, what were you thinking?  And did you say what you were thinking?  

Staring into someone＊s eyes is among the more intimate ways humans can interact.  The context matters, of course.  Two people ※making eyes at each other§ is different from the staring of a parent and child, two friends, or a police officer and a suspect.   

So what does it mean when two long-estranged brothers look into each other＊s eyes and one says, ※To see your face is like seeing the face of God?§  For these are among Jacob＊s words when meeting with his brother Esau, presumably with reconciliation in mind.  

If you wanted to reconcile with someone whom you had wronged, you might praise them, even hyperbolically.  Perhaps Jacob is merely flattering Esau in an exaggerated fashion.  This would jibe with Jacob＊s trickster personality; he＊ll say whatever someone wants to hear to get what he wants.  

And in that intimate moment of looking at the face of another person, one instinct we may have is to say whatever we think the other person wants to hear.  

Or perhaps Jacob references the Holy Blessed One to scare Esau, to put the fear of God in him, so to speak.  If Jacob actually knows what it＊s like to see God＊s face (or the face of an angel, with whom he successfully wrestled), then Esau better watch out!  Intimidation is, after all, a familiar negotiation tactic.   

We make ourselves vulnerable when we really allow another person to look at us without our turning away.  That vulnerability can be uncomfortable, even scary, and can put someone on the defensive.  

That moment of intimacy, of seeing another person’s face, can also bring out unusual honesty and sincerity, realization and understanding.  Seeing and being seen by another can be a sacred experience because each of us is created in God’s image, so by truly seeing another, we see an image, perhaps the only one available to us, of God.  This may be the first time Jacob really sees his brother as another person, the first time he ever sees his humanity, and sees him as created in God’s image.  

The impact of this experience is amplified because the face Jacob happens to be seeing is not just any face, it is the face of his enemy, who is his brother.  To see humanity, not to mention divinity, in the face of your nemesis changes everything.  And there must be a certain amount of self-knowledge that derives from finally understanding your brother.  

The next time you lock eyes with someone, observe your emotions.  Maybe you’ll see the face of God, too.

Rabbi Noah Arnow serves Congregation Kol Rinah and is a member of the St. Louis Rabbinical Association.