As Passover approaches, thoughts of singer-songwriter Debbie Friedman flood my mind.

Of course, I will always remember Friedman, who died early this year, for her monumental healing prayer “Mi Shebeirach” and other songs that touched a multitude of people around the world and helped bring spirituality and Judaism into the lives of many who had never experienced the combination before.

But her Passover songs hold a special place in my heart. 

Her music is an integral part of the women’s seder and Haggadah created by Ma’yan: The Jewish Woman’s Project. (Ma’yan is the Hebrew word for fountain, spring, or well.) The project was launched in 1994 by the JCC in Manhattan’s Upper West Side and was aimed at creating an environment more inclusive of and responsive to women. It held its first seder that year, with over 200 participants. That figure grew to over 1,500 in the following years and soon separate seders had to be held at different locations in New York City. Now communities throughout the United States hold their version of the event.

Although I was living in Manhattan when Ma’yan was launched, I never had a chance to attend any of the seders there. At the time, I was frequently flying back and forth between New York City and my home town of Memphis to be with my mother, who was too ill to travel. So I purchased several copies of the group’s Haggadah called “The Journey Continues” along with Friedman’s CD of accompanying music and brought them home with me.

Mom and I did our own little seder inviting over a small group of women friends. We used the Ma’yan Haggadah and sang along with the CD. We had a Miriam’s Cup and we even included an orange on the seder plate. According to the Ma’yan Haggadah, a common story about the orange is that it stems from a man who heckled a Jewish feminist scholar as she was delivering a speech. Supposedly he yelled that a woman belongs on the bimah as much as an orange belongs on a seder plate.

“The speaker responded that, like an orange, women’s participation represents transformation, not transgression,” the Ma’yan Haggadah says.

I wouldn’t describe my mother as a radical feminist, but she was passionate about women having an equal role in Judaism and many of the words in that Haggadah touched something deep inside of her. In fact, there was one Passover when Mom wasn’t well enough for company, but she still wanted the two of us to do our own version. We were particularly drawn to one song called “L’Chi Lach,” written by Friedman and Savina Teubel. The song is based on Parsha Lech Lecha (Chapter 12:1 of Genesis) when G-d tells Abram “Go forth from your land and from your birthplace and from your father’s house, to the land that I will show you.”

Little did Mom and I know at the time just how much that song tied into our future.

As my mother’s health worsened over the years, I knew I would have to leave New York to be with her. But the only career I had ever known was news reporting and there were just no jobs for me in Memphis. However, I was lucky enough to get an offer at the St. Louis Post-Dispatch in 2005 and I figured I could at least drive to Memphis in five hours.

Much to my surprise, my mother, who was frail but determined, announced she would come with me. She had lived in Memphis over 60 years and I had been in New York City for 23. Neither one of us knew anything about St. Louis, but we decided we would leave our homes and make the journey together.

In the spring of 2006, shortly after my mother arrived, I saw that there was a new group being formed in St. Louis called Nishmah. And I was delighted to see that the group was bringing in Debbie Friedman for its first Women’s Seder. Experience. Mom couldn’t walk very well, but she was determined to go. I still don’t know how she did it, but we somehow made our way to the Crowne Plaza’s ballroom where we saw that little seder we used to do ourselves transformed into an amazing event with hundreds of women.

It was unforgettable for many reasons, but the moment that sticks most clearly in my mind is when Friedman sang “L’Chi Lach” and Mom reached over to take my hand. We knew we had traveled to the place where we were supposed to be.

Some of the words of the song are as follows:

L’chi Lach,

to a land that I will show you

Leich l’cha,

to a place you do not know

L’chi lach,

on your journey I will bless you

And you shall be a blessing

L’chi lach

In early November 2008, the same weekend that the Parsha Lech Lecha was read, my mother took my hand again but this time, she said she was sorry, but she’d have to continue on her own journey alone. She passed away about two weeks later. Debbie Friedman joined Mom’s journey on January 9, 2011.

And you shall be a blessing

L’chi lach.

Dor to Dor

Gail Appleson is a writer for Armstrong Teasdale LLP and freelancer who lives in St. Louis.

“Dor to Dor,” is an intermittent Jewish Light series looking at various aspects of “grown-up” life and generational connections through the lens of Jewish writers living in the St. Louis area. If you are interested in contributing to Dor to Dor, please email [email protected].