Noted author and educator Lori Palatnik has a simple but powerful takeaway for those to whom she speaks.

“What I tell people is that even greater than loving somebody is to understand them,” said Palatnik, 53.

The Toronto native will be in St. Louis to deliver her message later this month in an Aish HaTorah event presented in cooperation with Nishmah. 

A well-known lecturer on five continents, Palatnik, a mother of five who resides in Washington, D.C., with her husband, is host of a weekly video blog “Lori Almost Live” and was named a “Woman to Watch” by Jewish Women International last year. 

Palatnik, whose fourth book is due out soon, is founding director of the Jewish Women’s Renaissance Project, which brings more than 1,000 women to the Jewish State each year from 15 nations worldwide.

Her visit to St. Louis will be highlighted by “The Kabbalah of You — Understanding Yourself and Appreciating Others,” a public event on Monday, Feb. 17. Palatnik will also give several private engagements before departing the following day.

“I always enjoy coming to St. Louis to speak,” she said. “I feel that the Jewish community there is very special, very genuine, very open. It really is a pleasure. I wish I could come more often.”

Palatnik will base the talk on her theory of personality types and how they relate to one another. She said she believes that people are driven by different impulses known as chaim, bracha and tov. The first pertains to more intellectual pursuits while the second is focused on matters of the heart. The last one deals with activity and achievement.

She compares it to “a Torah-based Myers-Briggs,” a reference to the famous personality test.

“It is one of my favorite talks because when I’m sharing this wisdom I can look out and see light bulbs go on over people’s heads,” she said. “People think ‘Ah, now I understand why I’m in conflict with one of my children’ or ‘Now I understand why my parents had a difficult marriage’ or ‘Now I understand why I wasn’t happy with this major in college.’”

Not only are people fueled by these impulses, but Palatnik says there is also a dichotomy within each individual. A person’s soul may be geared to one drive while their body may gravitate to another.

“It is important to understand that everyone has all three drives in their soul and their body but there is one that is your default,” she said. “For your soul, it is the one where you get the most pleasure and, when you are not mindful, this is where your body naturally goes to.”

Palatnik said that determining your body and soul types can help you to understand yourself and relate better to others.

“Some people, what you see is what you get. But for a lot of people, it is not that way,” she said. “You have to make an effort to understand them because you have a responsibility to help the people who are closest to you realize their potential. You can’t help somebody realize their potential unless you understand who they are.

“The number one person whom you have to help realize their potential is you,” she added.

She said that she uses the concept in daily life, from how she views relationships to how she does her job and interacts with others.

“If you understand the ideas, then it changes everything,” she said. “I have people come up to me afterwards and say, ‘I think I’ve been killing my son for years.’ Because they are trying to make him into something he is not. This doesn’t restrict you or define you. It should open you up. If you know what you are, then you know what you need to be working on.”

Communicating with children is a big part of the equation for many. Palatnik said that often parents worry about why their child doesn’t prefer sports, join clubs or have a lot of friends. However, for some personality types, that’s perfectly normal. 

“Once you understand the different drives that everyone has, then you realize they are seeing the world through different glasses,” she said. “Once you see the world through their glasses, then you understand how to have a more positive relationship with them.”

Event co-chairs Ellie Grossman Cohen and Mimi Pultman said St. Louis is lucky to have a visit from Palatnik, and the presentation will be enjoyable for men, women and family members of all ages.

“She is such a dynamic speaker,” Grossman said. “She is inspiring and she always has something very valuable to offer. You won’t even know you are learning something until you walk away and you are like, ‘Wow. I can apply this to my own life and my community.’”

Palatnik hopes attendees will respond to the positive message, once they know about the different drives at work within them.

“You appreciate life on a different level,” she said. “There is no such thing in Judaism as, ‘That’s just the way I am.’ God says that’s the way you are but now you should work on yourself.”