Kids these days. The older mine get the less I understand what they’re saying. I hear the words and I know they are words, but when strung together and spoken, they just don’t make sense.
In the past, I’ve helped you de-code what in tarnation young people are talking about. A lot has changed in teen lingo over the last year. Here are some of the latest trendy terms you need to know to most effectively communicate with teens, including examples you can use in everyday situations:
Goated: You likely know “goat,” the acronym for Greatest of All Time. These would be your Michael Jordans (pro basketball), your Little Debbies (baked goods), your Mindy Cohns (actress who played the best sitcom character ever as Natalie Green on “The Facts of Life.”) “Goated” brings it down to a realistic level, when someone excels at an ordinary activity. Example – the yoga class is attempting a lotus pose, where your feet twist into your lap in a way best described as human origami. While most are just sitting crisscross applesauce hoping no one will notice, one girl is almost in full, real lotus, so you whisper to your friend “Dang, she is goated! Namaste.”
Cracked: This takes “goated” to the next level, where someone’s actions really make your jaw drop. Example – One week later at yoga, semi-Lotus Girl has upgraded herself to the actual lotus pose, both feet folded onto her lap looking as though she might never walk again. With her third eye open and her chakras aligned, your friend whispers to you “Girl is cracked! Om Shanti Om.”
Him: It’s not the cute guy in yoga class with his leg behind his head. “Him,” usually pronounced “heem,” refers to someone who is both goated and cracked, with a sparkle that can only be rivaled by the Hope Diamond under a spotlight. Example – Full-fledged Lotus Girl is all the talk in yoga class after turning her feet into pretzels. She’s Him!
Glazing: Doughnuts are good, but glaze makes them great. Bakers swipe on the glaze to really make the doughnut extra special. Similarly, when you are glazing someone, you are trying to make them feel special, but it’s not really for them, it’s more for you. That’s because in this instance, glazing is like kissing up to someone, so they like you more. You glaze them, they sparkle, they like you more — poof. Now you’re cool. Example: Lotus Girl is rolling up her mat after class. You walk over on your jelly legs and say, “You’re, like, totally my new guru.” You’ve just glazed her, probably hoping she’ll invite you to grab a Matcha Boba tea after class.
Gate keeping: When someone has knowledge that isn’t top secret, but won’t share it with you, they’re gate keeping. They’d rather make you feel like a dum-dum. (We know this is their lack of confidence, feeling threated by your natural ability to shine brighter than the sun. Remember, we don’t trust these people.) Example – Lotus Girl is talking about Dani. You don’t know Dani, never met Dani, never even heard of Dani. Innocently you ask, “Who’s Dani?” Lotus Girl turns her nose up and says, “You wouldn’t need to know.” Turns out, Dani is the most popular yoga instructor in town, but rather than share what is not a secret, Lotus Girl is gate keeping, because she’s threatened by how cute you look doing downward dog.
Push: While it sounds like “push” is what you want to do to Lotus Girl while she is standing on the edge of a cliff, it’s actually quite innocent. In this case, push is a teenage way to say this is what you’re going to do. Example – After class, some of the yoga crew says, “We’re pushing hot tub” as everyone deserves a therapeutic soak. Except for Lotus Girl and her negative aura. She’s not invited.
