By press time, my oldest child will officially be a high school graduate. Also by press time, I will be swimming in deep waves of emotion, texting and calling all of the other parents who are stranded at sea with me. What do we do now? How did this happen so fast? Are we really that old?
We have a tidal wave of feelings rolling our way, so I asked some parents in the same boat their thoughts so we could have a sort of group therapy on paper.
Jackie says she has a whole lot of anxiety about her son leaving for college.
“It is an incredible exercise in independence for those who are ready,” she said. “For those who are not but think they are, the temptation to party or become distracted from academics is very real. I worry about making good choices and, overall, about my child’s safety.”
On the other hand, Megan sees it as an opportunity for her son.
“I am so excited for him,” she said. “He is going to love college and living on his own. I am proud of the young man he has become. Lots of maturing still left, though.”
Either way, Karen puts a positive spin on it.
“Remind yourself that living away at college is a gift to help your child learn how to be independent, navigate challenging situations and develop grit,” she said. “You want this for them!”
Everyone I talked to agrees that what they will miss most is watching their child participate in, well, everything. From sports to performances, working on homework to having their friends raiding your pantry, all the parents say the day-to-day interaction is what they will miss the most.
You know what Aly won’t miss?
“I will not miss filling out all those dang forms and fees for everything, permission slips and more,” she said. “This list is never ending.”
Think of all the extra time we will have not filling out forms anymore. How on earth will we fill that void?
Jackie asks and answers: “I’m pretty sure I’ll fill that time with more crushing anxiety.”
Atta girl!
So, who better to give us newbies advice? Friends who have already gone through it.
Steve says: “Stepping back was really freakin’ hard, but I think doing so and enabling them to figure out who they are and how to navigate life’s many challenges without parental interference is one of the most important gifts you can give your child.”
Lisa took her cues from her daughter, who helped set the tone.
“The more I heard how happy she was, how she was thriving every single day at school, I got over my sadness,” she said. “It’s a HUGE adjustment when your child leaves home. You feel like something’s not quite right in your house for the first month and, then gradually, you adjust and get used to it. And it’s an adjustment the first time they come home from college.”
Did you hear that? They come back home.
Steve says that’s the good news, with a little bit of bad news sprinkled in.
“Just remember that your child will be coming home for holidays, summer and maybe even to live with you for a while after they graduate,” he said. “Your money, on the other hand, well that’s gone forever. I’m getting emotional just thinking about it.”
Luckily, Steve said, he was able to keep busy once his daughter left for school.
“After dropping her off at college, I took up a full-time hobby: tending to my wife’s sadness. I was told it helps to find something to fill the void.”
