They say there’s no such thing as a free lunch—but what about a free dinner?
That’s exactly what you’ll get if you’re part of Not Your Parents Group. Once a month, this crew of 20- and 30-something Jews gathers at a local St. Louis restaurant for a completely free night out: dinner, drinks (yes, your first adult beverage is gratis) and the kind of company that makes you want to linger long after the dishes are cleared.
The only catch? You’ve gotta be Jewish and somewhere between post-college confusion and pre-midlife crisis. The group is the brainchild of Liessa Alperin, director of congregational life and engagement at Congregation B’nai Amoona. To know Alperin, 52, is to recognize a natural connector—someone who lights up at the chance to introduce people, help them feel comfortable and seen, and gently nudge new friendships into existence. Nothing seems to please her more than bringing people together.
A couple of years ago, Alperin gathered eight Jewish young adults to ask a simple but important question: What could she do to help keep them in St. Louis?
“I took them out for dinner and said, ‘Look, you don’t join congregations, right? You don’t really affiliate much and half of you wind up leaving St. Louis. Is there anything we can do to get you to stay?’”
The group talked about existing programming for young Jewish professionals—things like YPD and Ignite YP St. Louis—but also about why those options hadn’t really worked for them.
“So I said, ‘OK, what can we do?’ And they said, ‘What if you take us out to dinner once in a while?’ And I told them it sounded like a great idea.”
Alperin presented the idea to the leadership at B’nai Amoona, which, together with the B’nai Amoona Sisterhood, agreed to provide some funding for the dinners. She also reached out to other area congregations to invite their participation, but none chose to get involved.
“I figured this would be a B’nai Amoona program open to the community,” she said. She created a WhatsApp group and launched an Instagram account, knowing that’s where this crowd lives online.
They decided to keep it simple: monthly dinners, Sunday nights at 6:30 p.m., always at restaurants east of I-170. One ground rule? “No rabbis are allowed,” said Alperin, noting that she’s the only staff member who attends.
“And this lovely little program that started with eight to 10 to 15 people has now grown to where my WhatsApp group has something like 150 people and we’re averaging 50 people at every dinner,” she added, crediting much of this growth to word-of-mouth.
Feeding 50 people at a restaurant once a month isn’t exactly a low-budget operation. So earlier this year, Alperin approached philanthropist Michael Staenberg, who stepped up with $10,800 to keep the program going strong. He believes in its simplicity and mission of young people in the community bonding. In his honor, the group was renamed the Staenberg Not Your Parents Group—because nothing says Jewish community like a well-fed crowd and a good naming opportunity.
About 40 people showed up for the group’s most recent dinner in late June at Rosalita’s Cantina on Washington Avenue. Normally, summer is a time-out for the monthly meetups—but this year, several regulars, including 27-year-old school counselor Maddie Lapp, persuaded Alperin to make an exception.
“It’s just hard to make new friends as an adult,” said Lapp, who’s been with the group not long after it launched in late 2023. What keeps her coming back is the mix of familiar faces and new ones—people she might not otherwise meet, all sharing the comfort of a common background. “I’ve made new friends and met so many amazing people as a result of this group,” she added.
Samantha Newmark, 30, heard about the Staenberg Not Your Parents Group through a friend who invited her to join the WhatsApp group. Curious and hoping to meet new people, she decided to show up solo at Rosalita’s.
“People my age don’t usually go to synagogue, so it’s hard to make new connections with young Jewish adults,” said Newmark, an accountant whose family belongs to United Hebrew Congregation. “I’m still really new but so far I’ve been impressed with how welcoming everyone has been.”
Eliot Markman, a 34-year-old attorney, has been attending the group dinners since January. What keeps him coming back? “Free dinners, low stakes, no speeches, just schmoozing and community building. It’s a good time,” he said. In other words: no pressure, no agenda, no formalities —just good food, good vibes and a room full of people who get it.
And while the crowd is mostly young and Jewish, there’s plenty of diversity in the mix. “We have people who are straight, LGBTQ, transgender. We have a couple of married couples, a couple of couples who are engaged, some are dating, most are single,” said Alperin. “We’ve had people match in this group but that is not the intent. It is not a dating group.”
In other words, it’s less J-Date and more J-schmooze—come as you are and come hungry.
Yet even with Staenberg’s generous financial support, these dinners don’t come cheap — the bill can easily climb past $2,000. Fortunately, a few parents of group members have stepped in with donations, and Nancy and Ken Kranzberg graciously picked up the tab for one of the monthly meals.
To help defray the cost, Alperin suggested that each guest contribute $10 per dinner. The group was immediately on board, and she’s now setting up a Venmo account to make giving simple. Still, she’s hoping more synagogues will embrace the idea and provide financial backing to help sustain the momentum.
“What makes this group so special is that it’s not the usual crowd you see at many young Jewish events,” Alperin said. “It’s exciting to watch new friendships and social circles form—connections that didn’t exist before.”
To learn more and/or make a donation, contact Alperin at [email protected].
