I give up.

When my kids were little, as soon as they were capable of doing so, they would dress themselves. I wanted independent, self-sufficient children. As long as they were seasonally appropriate and it wasn’t a special occasion, they could wear whatever they wanted. I would look at other people’s perfectly matched children in their darling outfits and think to myself, “they sure do look cute.” In my house, though, I valued self-reliance over matching. I still do.

Apparently, my kids got that message pretty well. They are independent—so independent that my daughter and I are now at an impasse over what is “seasonally appropriate.” This time of year, she flat out refuses to wear a coat. On any given 48 degree morning, she will come down with shorts and a T-shirt or, when she’s feeling more conciliatory towards me, pants and a T-shirt. Short sleeved, of course.

Last year when we went through this same discourse, we compromised. I bought her a down vest—a little extra warmth, no sleeves, it was the perfect halfway meeting point. She took it to school some days to appease me. I doubt she wore it very much once she was out of sight.

This year, the battle started again and this time I’m raising the white flag early. I’ve tried my best persuasive arguments.

“You’ll catch something,” I told her.

“Old wives tale. Look it up,” she told me. I did look it up. She’s right, of course.

My husband has tried peer pressure.

“You are the only one at the bus stop without a coat,” he tells her. It’s not going to work. I taught her to be a free thinker, remember? She could care less that she’s the only one.

So at this point, I’m give up and advising my husband to do the same. She’s generally a reasonable kid. When she says, “I’m not cold,” there’s simply no comeback to this. When she’s cold…if she’s cold…she will choose to wear a coat.

Maybe then I can find her some gloves to match.