I don’t know about you, but I’m confused about all of these new categories of dress. It used to be that you had “Black Tie” or “Business Attire.” Now we have “Urban Chic,” “Party Chic,” or “Dressy Chic.”

I’m not chic and I’ll probably never be chic. It doesn’t matter what I wear–it’s just not me. So I’ve decided to invent some new categories to suit my current lifestyle and some definitions to make sure that you can easily duplicate them yourself:

“Carpool Line Chic”–this ultra quick style is the first thing you grab out of your closet and throw on when you realize you need to leave right this second for your kids to be on time for school. Items on the floor should not be excluded. Bed head preferred, bra optional.

“Soccer Mom Chic”–it inevitably rains on the day of any soccer game but that won’t stop you! Poncho and jeans, waterproof shoes. Portable chair a must, cooler in tow for post game snacks and drinks.

“Grocery Store Chic”–Traditional jeans, dark top (so it won’t show if you spill samples) and tennis shoes for efficiency. Accessories: reusable bag filled with other reusable bags attached to shoulder, baseball cap optional.

“Cardinals Chic”–a red shirt is the only requirement to attain this look. Accessories: ID on the off chance that you are carded by the beer vendor. Foam finger during playoffs.

“Board Meeting Chic”–this is your best attempt to look presentable to your peers. You shouldn’t be overly dressed up or people will think this is the only time you actually get out of the house. Be forewarned that if the board meeting is around noon on Tuesdays, I will more than likely be dressed “Tennis Chic.” This is entirely appropriate.

I’m meeting a friend for lunch and I’m still “Carpool Line Chic” so I’ll stop now. I wouldn’t want to be a fashion “don’t.”