Can you imagine the scene? Two brothers who fought mercilessly as children, who parted on nonspeaking terms,  who have not spoken to each other in close to 20 years, come together for Thanksgiving. How would they react to each other? What would that conversation be? Could they mend their wounds? How would they part?

With a few adjustments, we have this scene in our biblical history. In our Torah readings prior to this week, we have learned of the strife between Jacob and Esau. Their relationship was strained in the womb and did not change throughout their childhood. They bickered and fought, deceived and disregarded. The matter did not lie only between brothers, as the parents were involved, too. At the pinnacle of betrayal, Jacob fled from their home, away from his brother. 

Roughly 20 years later, after both brothers experienced blessings and curses (perhaps tastes of their own medicine), Jacob decides it is time to see his brother again. Through messengers, Jacob sends word to Esau that he is coming to see him. Esau replies, through the messengers, that he is coming to meet him with 400 of his men.

How are the brothers to react to this? After 20 years of no interaction, Esau hears that his brother wants to see him? Why? For what reason? What does he want from Esau? Did he not take enough? And Jacob, upon hearing the response, must wonder why his brother would come with 400 men. Why is he coming to meet him when last he wanted to destroy him? 

Each brother, we imagine, gets so worked up with worry. We only hear about Jacob’s reactions to his worries. And we know that Jacob was so worked up that he wrestles with a being throughout the night.

For all the worries, all the stress, the actual interaction is not confrontational. The brothers see each other and embrace. Esau kisses him and they both burst into tears. Some of our commentaries on this section, stemming from the presence of dots appearing above the letters of the word vayishakeihu (and he kissed him), doubt Esau’s genuine intent. However, others differ. Rabbi Simeon ben Elazar said, “It teaches that [Esau] felt compassion in that moment and kissed [Jacob] with all his heart.” (Bereshit Rabbah 78:9)

This blessing of togetherness is only temporary. The brothers catch up and share their lives with one another. Jacob pushes Esau to accept the gifts he has offered, perhaps in recognition of his faults in childhood. And then, despite an offer from Esau to travel on together, Jacob declines with a well-explained reason. Esau begs Jacob to accept his gift of some of his security forces. Then, the two part on their own journeys. We do not hear of them coming together again, except to bury their father. 

Was this a sad conclusion? A reconciliation that could not be completed? Perhaps, some may say. However, we could look at this as this as being simply enough. The road traversed from their childhood hatred was long and intense. To get to the point where they could be together, to catch up, to take pleasure in seeing how their lives had been blessed may be enough. They wanted to see each other again but knew this did not mean that all had been forgotten. They knew that they could not go on as if nothing had happened, but they still had a longing to connect, if only for a short time.

At this time of Thanksgiving and with Hanukkah soon to follow, many families come together. Often, these are reunions of joy. Yet we also know that some come to these gatherings with years of hurt traveling with them. Some seek reconciliation, and some seek only to hide from the offender. Some even stay away. 

Yet sometimes, if we are lucky, the anxiety of reunion is far more strenuous than what it turns out to be. And in those special moments, we may find that reconciliation is possible and family can truly come together again, if only for the short occasion. 

Like our biblical ancestors, we cannot ignore the reality of discord within our families. Yet, like our ancestors have shown us, there remains a connection. Even in the strife, there can be blessing. 

During their encounter, Jacob says to Esau, “To see your face is like seeing the face of God.” (Genesis 33:10). If only we can be so fortunate as to recognize the face of God as we look across our Thanksgiving table.