Over this summer, I have become acquainted with a new Jewish custom.  I’ll give you a hint. It takes 10 people and it’s not a minyan. In fact, you must actually have a minimum of two women or you are penalized. Yes, you guessed it — Temple Softball.

I’m not professing to be good at Temple Softball. In fact, my kids tell me I stink, and I would be hard pressed to disagree with them. “You don’t run,” my son informed me. He’s right. I don’t. And here’s why.

Over the past three months, I have watched what I now affectionately call the “pop and hobble” far too many times. You see, I recognize that I am no longer in my early twenties. My family relies on me. I have responsibilities.   I also have some physical ailments that no one wants to hear about, and I’ve learned that there are certain things I cannot do without causing them to flare up. I therefore do not do them. Period. The end.

Apparently, however, I am on an island with this mindset. For the past three months, I’ve watched countless teammates and opponents succumb.  It starts out pretty innocuously with a hit to the infield or perhaps even slightly beyond. The trouble comes as the play gets close and the batter begins to sprint. In the blink of an eye, we have the pop, followed by the obligatory grab to the back of the thigh, next the hobble off the field, the pinch runner and physical therapy for the next several weeks.  

I know why this is happening, gentlemen, so I would like to offer a little perspective and advice from all of your wives. First, we know what a phenomenal athlete you were back in the day. Really, we know that you could hit the ball a mile, and we know you still could if you really tried. We also know how fast you were. Like the wind! Trust us, you don’t need demonstrate because we know. You were awesome! 

But here’s a little insight — we don’t really care. These days, we’re not looking for superior athletic prowess on a Sunday followed by a guy who can’t get off the couch all week. You know what’s really cool to us now?   Being able to bend down and unload the dishwasher without screaming. 

You can demonstrate how good you are at that any time you’d like.