Young at Ark

On Saturday, I had the joy of attending the bar mitzvah of my friend Paul Gallant at Congregation B’nai Amoona. Paul is 82 years old.

I’m convinced Paul coined the phrase, “You’re never too old to rock and roll,” because Paul has never allowed age to define him, or hold him back. Long ago he decided an old dog could learn new tricks, and learn them well, as witnessed by the fact that he first took up running at age 57. And we’re not just talking a casual jog around the park. Paul now has 10 marathons, about 40 half marathons and a dozen other competitive running events to his name, and serves as Chairman of the Board of Directors of non-profit GO! St. Louis, which hosts the St. Louis Marathon & Family Fitness Weekend each April. True to his essence, Paul never does anything half-baked.

So it came as no surprise to anyone who knows Paul that once he made up his mind to become a bar mitzvah, he would pour his all into the effort. Hard work and commitment certainly paid off Saturday, with Paul in top form reading from the Torah, and being joined on the bimah at various intervals by his wife of 59 years (as of next week), Diane, and their children and grandchildren. 

Paul’s speech to the congregation explained how it was vital to him that he not just be Jewish but be a Jew. “That became my mantra,” he told me a few days after the ceremony, explaining that he had grown up “ultra Reform,” not knowing a lick of Hebrew. When he married Diane (pronounced DEE-ann), she was fairly observant and kept a kosher home. As he got more involved in their Conservative synagogue and Jewish causes, the calling to learn Hebrew and become a bar mitzvah grew stronger over time.

“Diane initially had no idea I was going to do this,” Paul said. “After I met with (B’nai Amoona) Rabbi (Carnie) Rose last December, I came home and told her of my plan. She was speechless. But it was just something that I felt I had to do for me.”

Both he and Diane gushed about the support and encouragement Paul received from B’nai Amoona’s clergy and staff, and how tirelessly they worked to fully prepare him so the day could meet his expectations.

And did it?

“It went so far beyond,” said Paul. “You know, when many 13-year-olds go through this, what they are really looking forward to is the party,” he continued. “For me it was an 82-year journey.”

So meaningful was the experience, that he and Diane have established a fund to help other adults become a bar or bat mitzvah, or learn Hebrew, at B’nai Amoona. According to the shul, adult b’nai mitzvahs have become more popular in recent years, as have adults wanting to learn Hebrew.

“The experience was so rewarding that we wanted to make it more readily available to other adults,” said Paul. 

“The beauty of the bimah — being surrounded by family and so many friends — it was one of the best days of my life.”

For more information about the fund, contact B’nai Amoona at 314-576-9990. 

Nothing contrary about this Mary

“Mary nurtured me and mothered me better than if I had been her own. She scolded me and got my stubbornness to bend when nothing else would make my old mule budge. She sees inside my head. With her information, she could reject me, but she never has, never will, does not judge me at all. She is the only person in my life who has no stake in my future, will not live to see it; she has no master plan for my life, wants only for me to be happy.”

The above is an excerpt from poet and St. Louis-based arts educator Jane Ellen Ibur’s “both wings flappin’, still not flyin’” ($16.96, Penultimate Press, Inc.), a collection of very personal poems and prose that pays tribute to her childhood housekeeper, Mary Woodard. Mary worked for Jane’s family in Frontenac for 40 years. 

“I was 2 years old when Mary first worked at our house and we became very close,” said Jane, who lives in south St. Louis with her spouse, Sondra Seiler. “I had a rough childhood and Mary made it much better. I felt like it was an extraordinary friendship and it continues to sustain me. 

“In high school I made her the very grandiose promise that I would take care of her when she could no longer work. That promise turned out to be 11 years.”

Jane was 24 years old when she and Sondra began caring for Mary emotionally and financially. At the time, Mary was 61 and insisted on living independently. 

“I would go to her place daily to make sure she was OK and had everything she needed,” Jane said, adding that Mary wasn’t eligible for Social Security. She had received a salary all the years she had worked but no retirement benefits, Jane said. Mary never talked about her husband, though she had once been married, and never had any children.

“I wasn’t the only kid in Frontenac who grew up being raised in part by a black woman in my house,” said Jane, who is Jewish but not affiliated with any congregation. “I thought the whole setup was unfair, but that is in hindsight. It wasn’t as if my mother was unkind to Mary but it was if these women were shadows living with families and hearing all that went on in the household.” 

Mary died in 1985 at the age of 72. Jane said she waited to write the book because she wasn’t ready to share Mary with the world. But over time she realized theirs was a unique relationship that spoke to love in all of its complexity. 

“Mary was accepting of me on all levels,” said Jane, who teaches creative writing and poetry in many community settings such as jails, veteran’s hospitals and schools. “Mary was the person I went to for advice on everything including race. I think I was taking care of Mary for five years before I came out to my family, and that did not go well.”

The book, a collection of roughly 100 short poems and writings, is divided into three parts: “twigs” offers a flashback to Mary and Jane at parallel ages, mostly young; “nest,” follows the years of Mary’s illness and Jane and Sondra’s service to caring for her, and “wings” tells of the years after Mary’s death.

 “My hope is that people take away several things from the book — that their heart will open up a little bit and they will be open to the extraordinary that might accidentally come into their lives,” Jane said. “I also hope it will be a healing bond to all the racial horror that continues to go on here and nationally. That there was one example of two people who put down their racial guns and said I can see you for who you really are. I do think it’s an elegy in some ways, and it’s bittersweet.”

Jane will read from her book at 7 p.m. Friday, Oct. 9 at the Regional Arts Commission, 6128 Delmar Blvd. and at 6:30 p.m. Saturday, Oct. 24 at Subterranean Books, 6275 Delmar Blvd. She also will be part of a Havdalah ceremony followed by light music and poetry at 7 p.m. Saturday, Oct. 10 at Kol Rinah, 829 N. Hanley Rd. In addition to Jane, Jewish poets being featured are Howard Schwartz, Bobby Frauenglas and Niki Nymark. 

Floored!

OY! Magazine Guide to Jewish Life (inserted in this week’s newspaper) features a cover photo and fascinating story about Central Reform Congregation’s new mosaic floor designed by Indian-Jewish artist Siona Benjamin. For an extra treat, check out the time-lapse video of the installation at stljewishlight.com/mosaic. I can promise it’s well worth the three minutes it takes to watch.