Last week I went to a restaurant with some of my friends and I ordered a hamburger. Unfortunately, when my meal arrived, the hamburger had cheese melted all over it. I asked the waitress for one without cheese, prompting my friend to joke that I was such a “good Jew.”

This comment surprised me — not because I took offense or because it seemed untrue, but because I had never thought of myself of as a “good Jew” before. In fact, after initially chuckling at my friend’s words, I realized that I did not even know what she meant by the phrase. Of course, she was probably using “good” as a synonym for “observant” or “rule-following.” However, even ignoring my love for precise language, the phrase still did not sit right with me. This got me thinking about what it really means to be a “good Jew.”

The suggestions made by this phrase have changed a lot through the years. If I asked my peers, their ideas would differ greatly from their parents’ answers, their grandparents and maybe even from those of young adults. To me, the idea of a “good Jew” seems limiting. I’ve been taught that while I identify with the Conservative Jewish movement, all Judaism is equally valid. Each person should follow the path on which he or she feels most comfortable, whether that involves playing music on Shabbat, praying separated by a mechitzah, sharing in interfaith prayer or keeping kosher.

I picture Judaism as a giant spectrum, with all the different degrees of observance and belief each getting their own space in which to exist. What feels right for one person does not necessarily have to be a part of someone else’s Judaism. My request for a cheese-less hamburger might confuse many people – after all, I’m still eating technically non-kosher meat. But that’s my personal choice, my limit. One of the reasons I love Judaism is because of the freedom to pick and choose which aspects are most meaningful to me. While not all agree with this philosophy, I believe that an individual’s connection with Judaism far outweighs the importance of a label or a certain level of observance.

A large part of our religion comes from the connections people feel — to one another, to their rabbis, to God and to the community. Judaism is built on a foundation of strong identity and a sense of solidarity. This feeling of oneness has the potential to bring people from all over the world together. Within this community, we can find others who share history, values, causes and a universal love for our bubbie’s brisket.

However, there are still some who insist on distancing themselves from fellow Jews. Having separate branches of Judaism is definitely a good thing – it allows us to cultivate our different practices; yet, we cannot allow these streams to tear the Jewish people apart. Only about 13.5 million Jews exist in the world today, according to a 2010 report by the North American Jewish Data Bank, but it feels like a lot more when we embrace all members of the tribe. So let’s throw the idea of a “good Jew” out the window, because honestly, who are we to judge what makes someone else feel comfortable? It seems to me that as long as whatever you’re doing helps you feel connected to Judaism, you must be doing something right.