Editor’s note: This month’s teen page stories are intended solely as parody in the spirit of a Purim spiel and should not be taken as fact.

As the new styles of the spring season hit the streets, so do fashion faux pas. Instead of staring enviously at others’ stylish couture, be the one people look at, for all the right reasons.

Last season, all the A-list celebrities wore royal purple. This year, nothing says spring better than army green, according to top fashion designer Vera Wang. “We can honor our soldiers with this color,” she added.

Singer and fashion icon Lady Gaga has already gone gaga with army green overalls made out of snakeskin and rhinoceros leather. Full-body camouflage suits and thigh-high lace-up army green roller blades are also must-haves this season.

In the Jewish community, recent trends are impacting even the most deeply rooted traditions. The standard, boring kippot, usually worn by men, is being traded for a more festive kind. Look for propeller beanies on all of the hottest kippot.

“I hope to see all the Jewish boys wearing propeller beanies this year. Also, Viking hats would be a refreshing new style to replace the old yarmulkas,” said designer Michael Kors, who serves as a judge on Lifetime’s “Project Runway” and also happens to be Jewish. “Hopefully even non-Jewish children and teens will catch on to this trend.”

This season, fashion is all about comfort. Say goodbye to heels that cause aching calves and tight clothes that leave no room to breathe. Clogs, Crocs, pajama jeans, and Snuggies are “in” this spring. Chanel has already come out with its first chunky clogs, and Crocs has released a new color palette of its plastic shoes to match the army green trend. These colors include burnt orange, bloody red and dead-leaf green.

As seen on TV, pajama jeans are a perfect new look to spice up an outfit. They’re like regular denim jeans, but feel “as soft as a baby’s blanket.” As a complement, top them off with a full-body Snuggie. These trends are taking Hollywood by storm; celebrities such as Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have recently been spotted in matching outfits of pajama jeans and Snuggies.

“Fashion is a moving target but with these tips, anyone can score a bulls-eye,” BCBG designer Max Azria remarked after reading this article.