Typically, you don’t walk down the hall at school, spot someone attractive, and immediately think,  “I wonder if they are Jewish.” Granted, there are a lot of fish in the sea, but when your parents want you to date only the gefilte fish, it can be hard.  

For religious parents, if they are nice and Jewish, he/she is the one.  Not Jewish, not happening.  

For me, love is love.  If there’s a strong enough connection, religion shouldn’t be the deciding factor in a relationship.  True love breaks through all barriers, right?  But for some Jewish parents, the barrier is unbreakable and comes with an ultimatum:  Go Jewish or go home. 

But is that fair to teenagers? 

“Parents are doing their kids a disservice because they’re forgetting to teach them the most important tenant of all religions — that we should all love each other,” relationship expert Wendy Walsh said.   What parents may be overlooking is that religion is definitely a key component to finding your mate, but first and foremost, you need to find someone who shares your values. 

 “Religion is suddenly paled in comparison to all these important things that you need for a healthy relationship,” Walsh said. Furthermore, restricting teens to dating only those people who share their religion is to keep them from experiencing other cultures.  Dating outside your religion gives you a chance to learn about other religions and their viewpoint on the after life or what rituals are used among their people.   

But if you know you are only willing to marry someone Jewish, it might be wise to only date someone Jewish.  

“It’s not like I’m looking to marry anyone right now, so it’s OK that I’m not dating someone who’s Jewish,” said Matthew Bernstein, senior at Parkway Central High School and member of United Hebrew Congregation.  

This is a reoccurring theme among teens: “It’s only high school, so it doesn’t matter.” However, it’s quite possible to marry your high school sweetheart.  It would be a shame to have the perfect relationship be cut short because of the religion card; don’t get into it if you’re not going to want to get out.  

Still, love doesn’t differentiate between Christianity and Judaism, although parents do.  “Research is still pretty clear that if you do date someone within your own religion, you tend to have a slightly higher success rate in relationships,” Walsh said.  It’s not just the holidays you’ll have in common but most likely the same teachings, and, most importantly, the same family values.  

“It would be much easier to raise a family…with just one religion,” said Paige Krug, a senior at Ladue Horton Watkins High School and member of Congregation B’nai Amoona.

Let’s face it, dating someone Jewish would help any relationship because of the right-off-the-bat connection.  That said, relationships are about getting through the hard times together and making it work. What is there to overcome when all is well?  

For me, if he’s Christian or Muslim or Buddhist, great.  If he’s Jewish, even better.  But, no, I will not limit myself.  I feel that there are ways around religious obstacles: buy a blue Christmas tree and put a Star of David on top or dress up like the Easter Bunny for Purim.  I applaud you if you’re willing to venture out and be diverse, but I also praise you if you choose to follow in the footsteps of your ancestors. 

There’s no right or wrong answer because it all comes down to personal preference. “It’s all the same thing, just a different language,” Walsh said.  

Stop the discrimination, and start the appreciation.  Whatever fish you choose, just make sure it’s swimming in the right direction.