One may wonder what it takes to be a true friend. Friendship means something different to each individual. As people grow and mature, their definition of friendship evolves. However, most would agree that when they find a good friend, it’s truly something special. 

A friendship is often started when two people share common values. Once the values are established, the friendship can genuinely grow. One of the more important aspects of a strong friendship is open and honest communication. Only when people are honest can everyone act true to themselves and be a true friend to others.

The opposite of this kind of communication is something known as lashon harah or derogatory speech. The Torah warns us about the dangers of speaking lashon harah in the portion Kedoshim in the book of Leviticus. In the book “Purity of Speech” by the Chofetz Chaim, he says that “when used properly words can cause unimaginable joy. It is our choice to utilize our most special gift properly; the gift of speech.” Unfortunately, many people engage in lashon harah without intending to. When chatting with friends, it can seem difficult to stop one’s self from listening or joining in on gossip.

Fortunately there are ways to prevent lashon harah before it begins. One way is to judge someone favorably. For example, if you hear a story about a friend, don’t just assume the account is true and spread the story. Instead, check the facts, or even better, talk to the friend about it. If we all assumed the best in others, we would find little to gossip about. Without petty gossip, friendships can more easily develop and grow stronger.

One local organization is working to strengthen friendships among Jewish girls and women. Nishmah is a group dedicated to providing programming and support to Jewish women and girls through social, educational and spiritual events. Nishmah recently held its annual Passover event, Journey 2011, which took place Sunday at the Blanche M. Touhill Performing Arts Center of the University of Missouri St. Louis.

This was the fourth year of Nishmah’s signature pre-Passover event. In the past Nishmah has focused on a Passover theme, but this year the organization decided to switch its focus to Shavuot, building on the story of two biblical friends, Ruth and Naomi. To start off the night, the participants discussed the friendship of Ruth and Naomi. Through songs and videos, participants shared experiences and expressed thoughts about what it means to be a true friend. The evening included readings written by local women and a video of two women in their 70s who have stayed friends since the fourth grade. Each program aimed to inspire women of all ages to enrich and appreciate their friendships.

Discussing the qualities one finds desirable in a friendship can strengthen friends’ bonds and minimize the amount of miscommunication, dishonesty and lashon harah. With Journey 2011, Nishmah provided women with the means to discuss both the beauty and challenges of friendships. We all must work at our friendships and cannot take them for granted. Even though this can seem difficult at times, our friendships will be that much stronger for the work we put into them.

(This article represents the opinion of the writer.)