How Jewish Are You?

Jessica Goldberg

Editor’s note: This month’s teen page stories are intended solely as parody in the spirit of a Purim spiel and should not be taken as fact.

How Jewish are you? Find out by taking this Jewish trivia quiz.

1. The Yiddish term “chutzpah” means:

a. A song from “Fiddler on the Roof”

b. Oy, I need to brush up on my Yiddish terms

c. Your grandmother telling you that color looks bad on you

d. Kosher food

2. The story of Queen Esther saving the Jewish population in Persia is read on which holiday:

a. Purim

b. I don’t know; I’ve been wandering the desert for 40 years

c. Easter

d. Cinco de Mayo

3. Who is the prophet referred to during the Passover seder for whom we have a cup of wine on the table?

a. Casper the Friendly Ghost

b. Elijah

c. The Wizard of Oz

d. Justin Bieber

4. How many books are there in the Torah?

a. I don’t know. I only learned about the book that contained my Torah portion.

b. Five

c. Math is not my subject

d. Too many to count

5. Which of the following Jewish entertainers underwent rhinoplasty to reduce the size of his/her nose?

a. Lisa Kudrow

b. Betty Boop

c. Krusty the Clown

d. Bugs Bunny

6. What blessings are said over wine to usher in the Sabbath or a holiday?


b. Prayer of St. Francis

c. Kiddush

d. The Irish Blessing

7. The co-founder of this technology company is Jewish:

a. I don’t know. My mom says technology is bad.

b. I can’t answer right now. The Internet is down.

c. Borders Bookstore. Oh wait – technology put them out of business.

d. Google

8. The following foods are kosher:

a. Bacon, if its extra crispy

b. Shrimp, if served with yummy cocktail sauce

c. Bread on Passover

d. None of the above

9. The private college with the largest Hillel is:

a. Texas Christian University

b. New York University

c. Missouri Baptist College

d. Logan College of Chiropractic

10. People who are Jewish always:

a. Eat bagels

b. Vave a Jewish mother who can pile on an incredible guilt trip

c. Have Cohen, Levy, or Stein as a last name

d. None of the above

11. How would you answer the question, “Would you date people who aren’t Jewish?”

a. No, I respect Judaism too much

b. Yes, if they will eat matzah ball soup

c. Yes, I’d accept any boyfriend/girlfriend

d. I plead the Fifth Amendment and refuse to self-incriminate

12. What do you wear to shul?

a. No clue; I’ve never been to shul

b. What is shul?

c. Something itchy so I’ll stay awake

d. Anything that is dress code at my school

13. Moses received the Ten Commandments on:

a. His email

b. Space Mountain

c. Mount Sinai

d. Mount Mean Pharaoh

Answers: 1. c, 2. a, 3. b, 4. b, 5. a, 6. c, 7. d, 8. d, 9. b, 10. d, 11. any answer accepted, 12. d, 13. c


0-3 correct (I don’t know much about Judaism; I’ll go to Temple this weekend)

4-7 correct (I’m not too weak on knowledge of Judaism; I’ll think about going to Temple this weekend)

8-13 correct (I’m a rockstar at Judaism; I’ll go to Temple on the High Holidays)