Editor’s note: This month’s teen page stories are intended solely as parody in the spirit of a Purim spiel and should not be taken as fact.

Dear Melanie,

I recently converted to Judaism and can’t wait to become an involved member of my Jewish community. Yesterday, I signed up to help organize my synagogue’s Purim spiel; however, I have no idea what Purim is! Why do we celebrate Purim?

-Puzzled in Pattonville

Dear Puzzled,

The story of Purim is one of love, death, and dinosaurs. It takes place in the year 1065 BCE, when King Ahashuerotops ruled over the town of Shoe Shine. In this town, the dinosaurs and the cave people coexisted peacefully. However, one day, an evil caveman named Haman decided that all dinosaurs should be eliminated to make room for the cave people to flourish. He planned to viciously slaughter Ahashuerotops to kick off his evil plot. However, a brave dinosaur by the name of Estherodactyl decided to stand up for her species. With the help of her cousin, Mordechasaurus, she convinced the cave people to rebel against Haman’s plan and prevent the genocide of helpless dinosaurs. The cave people heard their plea and drove Haman out of Shoe Shine. To this day, we celebrate Purim in memory of Mordechasaurus and Estherodactyl’s brave protest of dino-demolition.

Dear Melanie,

For my 16th birthday, my mother gave me a Star of David necklace. This necklace has been passed down through several generations of women in my family and it is truly stunning. As much as I love it, I do not understand its meaning. Before I opened the gift box, I had never seen a Jewish star before. What does it symbolize?

-Baffled in Ballwin

Dear Baffled,

The Jewish Star is a very obscure symbol; most people do not understand its true significance. It was discovered on the wall of a cave in the year 1620 by David Silverberg, the only Jew to come to America on the Mayflower. Jewish historians believe that the symbol itself dates back to the Stone Age and had a very rich meaning for the Jewish cavemen. The six lines that make up the star represent the six basic pillars of Judaism: food, schmoozing, kvetching, kvelling, food, and Torah. Silverberg, for whom the star is named, founded the Jewish religion on these six fundamental values after his groundbreaking discovery. When you wear the necklace, think to yourself: Am I doing everything I possibly can to uphold these most important ideals? Don’t let David down.