Editor’s note: This month’s teen page stories are intended solely as parody in the spirit of a Purim spiel and should not be taken as fact.

In a recent, shocking statement, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have announced that they are devoutly pursuing conversion to Judaism.

Unreliable sources indicated that Hollywood’s favorite couple want a change of pace so they figured they’d give Judaism a try. Although the news seems to be entirely unfounded, there are few substantial explanations as to why they would entertain such a radical shift.

“I mean, I knew that Brad had a taste for latkes, but wasn’t quite sure he’d fall for the matzah too,” said an anonymous friend of Brangelina.

Pitt and Jolie are constantly making splashes in the media with their adoptions and movies, but this new development could potentially dwarf all previous endeavors. The couple’s decision ranks among the highest profile conversions.

“The amount of star power that this duo provides means publicity will go through the roof. Hanukkah might even get national recognition,” the anonymous friend said.

For years, Jews have relied on celebrities such as Steven Spielberg and George Lucas to represent the Jewish people. Now, Jews may constantly inhabit the front page of notable tabloids such as the National Enquirer and Star magazine.

“I think we’re going to see a dramatic spike in coverage of significant Jewish holidays such as Passover and Yom Kippur. I would also anticipate Angelina releasing her very own line of Tallits or her favorite kugel recipes. This definitely opens up a plethora of new doors,” an anonymous social critic said.

Another aspect of the conversion would be the anticipated b’nai mitzvahs of the six Jolie-Pitt children: Maddox, Zahara, Shiloh, Pax, Knox and Vivienne. Whether the kids will actually complete this rite of passage is unknown, but coverage of such an event would likely garner much interest. One can only imagine the guest list these ceremonies would entail.

“I think we can expect the first bar mitzvah to be at the Kodak Theatre. The more important question is whether they’ll be able to bring in a Torah,” noted the anonymous social critic. “That stage could hardly be considered holy after the performances of some infamous celebrities.”