As the Jewish community ages, younger generations face difficult decisions regarding their parents’ and grandparents’ care. The question of how to care for one’s elderly parents is not a new one; traditional Jewish laws mandate that children tend personally to their parents’ physical and psychological needs. But in modern times, living near one’s loved ones is more difficult and turning to others outside the family is common and accepted.

In 2010, Michelle Gralnick found herself in just this situation.

“I put my career on pause to coordinate the care of my two chronically ill parents,” remembered Gralnick, who is a member of Shaare Emeth.

A few years later, when her parents’ needs necessitated relocating them from their home of nearly 50 years into a skilled nursing facility, making the decision was very difficult.

“My guilt was assuaged by the knowledge that they would be in a safer place with 24-hour nursing care available to better meet their needs than we could afford to provide at their home,” said Gralnick.

However, the promised, personalized care services never materialized. Instead, mistakes were made with medication dosing and often their care and comfort requests were ignored.

“Both of my parents developed pressure sores and were hospitalized multiple times with life-threatening sepsis, Gralnick said. “I quickly realized I could not trust the system to fully monitor the situation. I needed to ‘stay on top of things’ in order to ensure my parents were receiving the quality of care they needed to survive and thrive.”

This led her to explore outside resources and self-educate to be a more effective advocate for her parents. Now, Gralnick who earned a master’s of education in general counseling and has been a consultant to organizations within the Jewish community for decades, works as a private care manager, providing customized support and services to individuals in residential care communities. She is an expert on residents’ rights, nursing home regulations, and aging resources, and advises people on the establishment of family councils.

“Family councils can play a crucial role in voicing concerns, requesting improvements, supporting new family members and residents, and encouraging facility efforts to make care and life in the facility the best it can be,” said Gralnick.

The importance of the “family council” concept will be the topic of an upcoming presentation by Gralnick and Lisa Smith.

‘Residents First Long-Term Care Conference’

Smith is the lead regional ombudsman coordinator for St. Louis City and is on staff at VOYCE. The advocacy service helps to ensure a quality life for people living on the long-term care continuum. Together, Gralnick and Smith will lead a special presentation on the “family council” concept as part of VOYCE’s June 15, “Residents First Long-Term Care Conference.”

The one-day conference will mark World Elder Abuse Awareness Day with a day of educational workshops. There will be four topic tracks at the conference: Residents Rights, Doing It Right, Everyone’s an Advocate and Forbidden Track.

Gralnick and Smith will be presenting at 11 a.m. under the Everyone’s an Advocate track. They will delve into the ins and outs of establishing a family council. This will include an overview of the regulatory responsibilities of facilities, effective recruitment techniques and strategies for collaborating with staff to tackle pertinent and facility-wide issues.

For Gralnick, the information learned from this conference is important for two reasons.

“First, individuals living in skilled nursing facilities and their family members need to know that residents have rights and what those rights are so that our loved ones remain safe and can live with dignity,” she said. “And second, so that those same individuals are educated on the challenges which currently exist so that they can be astute and assertive in their advocacy to successfully address harmful situations and achieve systemic improvements.”

For more information about the conference or to register click here.