It’s well past midnight and Becky Gerson’s cell phone dings with a text message from an anxious new mother-to-be. Gerson, a birth coach and doula, jumps out of bed, grabs her “go bag” and hits the road. The routine is familiar enough that Gerson’s four children and her husband, Rabbi Jordan Gerson, aren’t alarmed by her middle-of-the-night doula door dash.
“I’m pretty much always on call,” said Gerson, 39. “It’s kind of rare to be able to go out of town on a whim.”
In Gerson’s line of work, late nights are standard. That’s due in part to oxytocin levels, which are higher overnight. Oxytocin is the labor hormone, so contractions are likely to occur when the rest of the world is sleeping. Regardless of the time, when the text or call comes, Gerson’s adrenalin kicks in, but she exudes calmness.
“I’m always telling people I bring the calm to the room,” she said. “That doesn’t mean I don’t have an adrenaline rush. Sometimes my biggest rush is when the phone call comes in the middle of the night. I’m so used to people calling at 2 a.m. By the time I’m actually with my clients, I’m calm again.”
On Feb. 13, Gerson got an 11:30 p.m. call from Samantha “Sam” Elssibony, who was headed to the hospital with her husband Amir for induction. Gerson met the couple at Mercy Medical Center to offer support. She went home for a few hours, then went back at 6 a.m. to be present for the birth of the couple’s son Tomi.
(Bill Motchan)
“In the movies, when your water breaks, you rush to the hospital,” Gerson said. “But for most women, that’s not the case. In real life, they start getting uncomfortable, and that progresses, and we just check in a lot until they say, ‘OK, I think I’m going to need you soon.’ That’s the phrase I look for. ‘I think I’m going to need you soon.’”
Gerson arrives at the hospital with her tools of the trade: battery-operated candles, essential oils, heating packs, knee pads, a large birthing “peanut ball” and lots of snacks. She opens the trunk of her car to reveal a half dozen boxes of Girl Scout cookies. Those come in handy when Gerson engages with the nursing staff. It’s a small act of kindness, but helps smooth the path for when she encounters health care workers who aren’t used to the presence of a doula. In this case, almost everyone in the maternity ward at Mercy is familiar with her.
“They don’t always remember my name, but they remember I give them cookies,” said Gerson, laughing.
Gaining acceptance and trust from nursing staff and doctors is an important asset for a doula. Gerson is focused on making labor and delivery a smooth, stress-free experience for new mothers and their partners. That was exactly what Sam and Amir Elssibony wanted.
“Becky knew from our prenatal meetings what I wanted and how I wanted the labor to go and the type of support that my husband would bring and the type of support that I felt that she could bring,” said Sam Elssibony, 35. “We had a relationship before the labor day. It wasn’t like we just met her for the first time, like the nursing staff.
“She is someone who’s there 100% of the time for you. Obviously, the nurses and doctors are monitoring you and checking on you, but they’re not in the room with you all the time. Becky is there in the room with you, watching everything that’s going on, and her sole purpose is to help you.”
Elssibony had her first child during COVID when she and Amir were still living in California. At that time, most hospitals limited who could accompany the mother during labor. For Tomi’s birth, she wanted a doula and found Gerson after asking for referrals on a Jewish mother’s Facebook group. The couple met with her and immediately clicked.
“It was just an easy conversation and we really liked speaking with her,” Elssibony said. “In addition to the knowledge and the techniques and the support that you get, you also want to just feel comfortable with this person because they’re going to be with you in labor.”
Gerson is certified by Doulas of North America, and she is a HypnoBirthing Childbirth Educator. Previously an apprentice midwife, she has been a doula for 17 years and has attended more than 300 births. That’s a lengthy period in a role that is prone to burnout, but Gerson loves what she does.
It’s not exactly a standard career path, though. Gerson, who is originally from Los Angeles, was studying sociocultural anthropology at UCLA when a guest speaker came to her class and explained births in cultures around the world. The speaker was a doula. She had never heard of it, but she thought it was fascinating, so she began training to learn how to become one herself.
“I feel like anyone and everyone could benefit from a doula,” Gerson said. “Many times, I have clients who maybe with their first baby, they didn’t have one, and then they do. I don’t care what your birth plan is. I don’t care if you want a medicated birth or an unmedicated birth, but everyone just should have a doula because I can help them to have a much more positive experience.”
During Gerson’s childbirth class, she gets to know the parents and makes a special effort to calm nervous fathers-to-be.
“The partner might come in thinking, ‘I don’t really want to sit through a five-week childbirth class.’ I tell them all the exciting parts of what’s going to happen. I tell the dads, ‘You can put your hands on the baby.’ I think they really enjoy it. The partners come back class after to class with questions and participate as much as the mother.”
Gerson’s support can be particularly significant for Orthodox couples. During delivery, the mother enters a state of niddah so her husband may not see parts of her body that are normally covered or watch the birth. A Jewish doula like Gerson understands these rituals. She will even offer reminders about which blessings should occur at different points in labor.
Abby and Roey Kruvi are parents of one-year-old Lishai. They knew a little bit about doulas and found the idea of using one appealing.
“They don’t deliver the baby, but they are there to focus on you as the soon-to-be-mom and focus on your needs,” said Abby Kruvi, 31, an event planner. “The medical team can just focus on the medical side of things and that you have that support from someone. It can also be an opportunity for my husband and my partner to also have someone who is an expert take the pressure off him.”
The Kruvis, who are Jewish, learned of Gerson from their obstetrician, Dr. Diane Rosen, who said a doula can help make the birth process more positive for the new parents.
“One of the things I like about Becky is that she really is a labor support person, and she doesn’t try to dictate the medical care,” said Rosen. “She definitely is an advocate for the patients. She helps the patient and her family have the experience they’re looking for.”
After their initial meeting with Gerson, the Kruvis signed up for a package that included two comprehensive pre-birth meetings and a day-long session with other couples. Services range from breastfeeding, baby prep and daytime postpartum support (each at $40 per hour) to a one-day “Ready to Give Birth” class at $500. Other packages are available, depending on the level of support the parents want.
“I think it was one of the best decisions Abby made for her pregnancy and for us,” said Roey Kruvi, 35, who works for the Schusterman Family Foundation. “There’s just so much going on. To have someone around who can validate for Abby what she’s going through and ask her questions about what she’s feeling, Becky can translate that into something meaningful.”
The Kruvis said Gerson not only understands the mother’s needs, she can be an advocate for them. It’s not unusual for her to sense her clients need space during labor and will ask health care staff to clear the room for a few minutes.
“I have so much empathy for people,” Gerson said. “I can feel what they’re feeling in many situations. I’m very good at reading people. I’m very good at telling where people are in labor without actually physically. I don’t check their cervix. I don’t do anything clinical, but I can tell them where they’re at. I think it’s really nice to teach people that they can read their bodies and they can trust themselves and trust their instincts, too.”
Roey Kruvi said Gerson helped diffuse stressful moments.
“I remember when Abby first started feeling contractions and some pain and it was starting to get worse,” he said. “There was nothing I could do to help, but I wanted to help. So I started freaking out inside. I tried to not show that outwardly. Becky said, ‘Yeah, this is hard, but you can do this. Your body knows.’ It was all relaxed. We were at home with her and in our environment with our dogs. It just was really nice.”
