Mimi David makes it clear that her role as a dating coach is not akin to Yente, the matchmaker in “Fiddler on the Roof.”
“A lot of people don’t know the difference,” said David, who is director of women’s education at Aish HaTorah and married to its executive director, Rabbi Yosef David. “A matchmaker is someone who might say, ‘I know this guy and this girl, and it seems like they’d be good for each other,’ and she introduces them. I don’t do that professionally, although I do that when I can.
“A dating coach normally gets involved when a couple is already dating each other. What I help with is realistic expectations from the dating process, like what productive dating should look like.”
David explained that her overall role is to help couples navigate the relationship that goes from near strangers to best friends if they are right for one another. She does this through a healthy progression that includes maintaining expectations and building the relationship in a way that can potentially lead to a deeper connection.
Originally from New York, David, 49, grew up in an observant family and went to a Jewish grade school and high school. At 20, she married Yosef David, began having children and, in 2007, moved to the St. Louis area.
“I did not date very much,” she said. “I only dated men who my parents vetted. Most of the guys were short experiences, just a few dates. It was pretty clear to me that they were not for me. Dating for marriage is extremely targeted and extremely goal-oriented. It becomes pretty clear, very soon, if someone is not the right one for you.
“I had no real complications in knowing that my husband was the right one soon after meeting him. We only dated for one month, then got engaged and were married seven weeks later. We’ve been married nearly 29 years now.”
David has been a longtime teacher at Esther Miller Bais Yaakov High School. During that time, she developed close relationships with her students, who also started viewing her as a mentor and dating/life coach.
“They knew I was an objective listener who had their best interests in mind and would not be emotionally involved — like their mothers,” she said. “Eventually, what really started [me as a dating coach] was my students calling me with their mikvah questions after they got married. That wasn’t my expertise, but they felt comfortable with me when dating and after they got married.”
David said that nowadays, she works with clients of all ages and stages. Men and women. Old and young. Widows, widowers and those who have been divorced.
“The largest criteria is they have to be dating for marriage,” she said. “If they’re not dating for marriage, I do not coach them. They can just have fun and don’t need my help.”
David generally works with clients over the phone, though occasionally she will Zoom with them.
“I actually prefer not seeing a client because I have no judgment about them on my own,” she said. “I can tell a lot by what they tell me, not in terms of their looks but by how they are as a person. I can focus on that as opposed to being distracted by some physical feature, which I think helps me be more objective.”
Every year, David goes to Cincinnati for a singles convention with people in different age groups. She recently did a presentation for a group of 55+ singles in Baltimore on Zoom. She said that’s more of an overview of a productive dating process instead of coaching for a specific scenario.
David also does a local event for the Orthodox community every couple of years as an overview of the dating process for girls who are starting to date for marriage.
“I’ve been a dating coach professionally about four years, and unprofessionally for about 10 years before that,” she said. “I did it just for my former students. I didn’t have a system at that time. I was just their mentor before I went into training. Now, I do it more as a paid business but, if I wanted to get rich, I’d probably be doing something else.”
David explains that everyone she coaches gets a free get-to-know-you session. She hears from her clients about themselves so that she can get a better idea about them and what they are looking for in a partner. In addition, David tells them about her background, her experience and provides a quick overview of the dating process.
Susan B., a former student of David’s who asked that her real name not be used, said that last year, at age 29, a mutual friend from St. Louis introduced her to a man.
“We exchanged information so we could kind of check into each other before, then I handed it to Mimi David to set it up,” Susan said. “She started on one level, then got into a deeper level, and I found things I had to work through in order to get married to anybody. She was there for the heavier stuff, too.”
Susan said it wasn’t love at first sight, but the man was nice and a good conversationalist. They dated for about two months, were engaged about three months later, and were married this past March.
“I told Mimi it kind of went from A to Z … from zero to marriage,” Susan said. “She helped work it through, from figuring my thoughts out and helped me know how to better communicate. As with all things in life, especially something as big as this, it brings up your own hang-ups and things I needed to work on. She was there for me the entire process. She’s so wise, understood where I was coming from, and was so supportive while also being totally practical.”
“I am very grateful I had her for this. She’s a dependable confidant who cares so much and pushes you to make an effort. Having that relationship with a teacher for all four years really helped because I was so comfortable with her and she was always so honest and open.”
