Advice for men only: How to meet someone you want to meet again

BY PAULA SPARKS

Hi, I’m back! This month’s column is for MEN ONLY. There seems to be a shortage of men, so there shouldn’t be any problem meeting women. If this is true for you, you’re probably not reading this column. If you are having trouble even finding suitable women or getting past the first meeting, what do you think the difficulty is? Jewish women’s expectations are too high? That they are! I’ll address this in a column for them. I commend you for trying to connect with Jewish women and I will work with you in any way I can to help make it happen for you.

Do you have a decent job? You do not have to be a doctor or lawyer to form a connection with a partner. But if you are between jobs, it may be better to get on track before looking for a relationship. Do you need to get in better physical shape? Are you even interested in doing so? If you want to be with a Nicole Kidman you need to be a Brad Pitt. Remember that the type of woman you attract when you’re not your best might be an altogether different person than you would be able to attract if you are gainfully employed, looking your best, and have polished manners and your personal issues resolved. Perhaps this would be a good time for some personal or group counseling sessions to work on an issue or two. It is a real challenge to contend with your partner’s issues when your own are not under control.

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OK, so you’ve got a date with a woman who might have potential. What do you do next? I mentioned in the first column that I hear a lot of complaints from women that certain men are cheap. In my opinion, you do not need to drop $20 or $30 on a woman you have never seen before until you determine whether there are “sparks.” I would prefer that you be willing to meet a lot of women briefly and not get burned out on dating because you are required to spend a lot of money on women you have no desire to see again. That said, first: Are you sure you don’t want to meet her one more time? And second: St. Louis is a small town, so if you do not want to get a reputation for being cheap or for not being a gentleman, you must always behave appropriately. The first few dates are not the time to bring out the two-for-one coupons. And this is not a good time to offer to split a drink, slice of pizza, or dinner. If you drive a BMW and you have not offered to buy your date a drink or dinner, you are quickly going to get the “cheap” label. As for being a gentleman, I have heard more complaints than I can count that when a man is interested in the woman he is moving too fast into a physical relationship before the woman has had a chance to feel the emotional connection that she often needs. FOR MEN ONLY will be continued next month.

Questions or comments? Would you like to attend my next event? E-mail me at [email protected]