Jan Nykin considers the Para-Rabbinic certification she earned last summer as her fifth career, “the one that ties all my work together.” She has worked in special education, teaching at a psychiatric hospital. She had a learning-disability-tutoring practice and served as a school counselor. As a social worker, she worked on a dialysis unit, where she helped people talk about death and dying. 

Now a psychotherapist in private practice, Nykin leads two support groups that meet monthly at Temple Israel in Creve Coeur, where she has been a member since she was 5. The groups are “Exploring Life’s Journey” and “Life in Transition.” Both groups are free and open to anyone. 

Nykin made time recently to talk about her work.

Talk about the goal of “Exploring Life’s Journey.”

The goal is to help people in the Jewish community see if they can find a direct connection with God as we explore life and the transitions that occur in life. 

What are some of the topics at the sessions? 

We start with spirituality — what is it, how it resonates with you and whether you have had any spiritual experiences. We talk about meditation. Then we move into a discussion of prayer. We read all of David’s Psalms and also the Proverbs of Solomon, which are based on Jewish wisdom.

Do you recite any prayers?

We say the words of the Shema Yisrael, because with years of repetition, we can forget what we are saying. We practice several ways of saying it and then everybody says it out loud, together. That helps us feel a connection with all Jewish people, and elevates all of us. 

What else happens in the group?

We write a mission statement for our life’s purpose and we talk about our vision for accomplishing this purpose. We assess how to become the best person possible. The last session is on death.

“Exploring Life’s Journey starts after the High Holy Days and runs through August. Does every participant come to every session?

No. People come and go as they need to. 

At “Life in Transition,” participants share personal experiences with losses of any kind — death, divorce, job loss or retirement. Is this a traditional grieving group?

No. We look at loss — not specifically death — so this group is different from all others.

Talk a bit about the group. 

We address any loss where the identity and emotional connection was so great that you have to reconfigure who you are as a response to it. People come in with all different losses, and what I talk about is relevant to each person. 

How so?

This is about process. Transition is an inward process and change is the outward manifestation of that process. We begin by addressing grief and mourning as personal expressions of loss. Then we look at feelings, thoughts, what’s going on socially and what’s going on physically. 

Does that help people adapt to loss? 

Yes. Mourning is the process of facing, adapting to and learning to live with loss. We don’t mourn for just that thing we lost, but also for the loss of dreams and unfulfilled expectations. We uncover the multiple emotional losses that are secondary to the primary loss. This requires tremendous physical and emotional energy and you have to be patient and gentle with yourself.

What is the goal?

To accept and move forward, to adapt — but also to find how to relate to the situation. The group helps people develop a sense of who they are now, and teaches healthy ways of beginning in a new and different world. At the end of the year, typically people do not come back. They have grown and found resolution. 

Do you find this work fulfilling?

Both my parents worked in clinical psychology, so it was always the way I looked at world, and I also learned as a child to love my Judaism and share it with world. I love to help people — I want to help each individual be filled with joy.

 For more information about Nykin’s groups and fall starting dates, call 314-432-8050.