Kol Nidrei…“Wait!” you may be thinking. “Is it Yom Kippur already?” But stay with me for a minute. 

As many of us may know, Jewish holidays start at sundown and continue until sundown the next day. To help us distinguish the evening of a holiday from the day, we call the evening of Rosh Hashanah, for example, Erev Rosh Hashanah, since erev meanings “evening.” We have Erev Sukkot, Erev Simchat Torah, Erev Purim and so on. But on Yom Kippur, we don’t just call the evening Erev Yom Kippur. We also call it Kol Nidrei, “All Vows,” the name of one of the most important prayers of the evening.

This is no accident. There are plenty of other beautiful and meaningful prayers on Erev Yom Kippur that we could have chosen as the name for the evening. We call it Kol Nidrei, though, to remind us of the power of our words and the binding nature of our oaths and promises.

In this week’s Torah portion, actually a double portion called Matot-Masei, we are also reminded of the power of our vows with the same word as in Kol Nidrei: neder — vow. “Moses spoke to the heads of the Israelite tribes, saying: ‘This is what the Eternal has commanded: If a person makes a vow (neder) to the Eternal or takes an oath imposing an obligation on themselves, they shall not break their word; they must carry out all that comes out of their mouth.’” (Numbers 30:2-3)

We all know that our words and our promises matter, yet we so often break our promises. Rabbi Kerry M. Olitzky and Aaron Z. share a story about the Berdichever Rebbe: 

“Before going to sleep each night, the Berdichever Rebbe would make a list of all the things he had intended to do that day but hadn’t accomplished. He would then say, ‘Master of the Universe, I promise that tomorrow I will have the strength of will to carry out these tasks.’ The next night he would do the same thing, even though many of the items on his list repeatedly occurred, night after night. One evening, after returning home from Kol Nidre services, he went through his nightly routine – but this time a heavenly voice admonished him: ‘You said the same thing yesterday.’ To which Rabbi Levi Yitzchak responded, ‘Yes, but tonight I really mean it.’” (Renewed Each Day, p.143)

Keeping promises is hard, and just think how many promises we make every day! Some of them may seem small. “I promise I’ll be home by 6 p.m. in time for dinner.” “I promise I’ll have that project finished by the end of the workday today.” “I promise I’ll call when things are less busy.” Some of them, however, are so big that they can shatter hearts when we cannot keep them. “I promise I will always be there for you.” “I promise it will all be OK.” “I promise I will always keep you safe.”

Our Biblical text talks about what happens when we break our word, and the Hebrew word it uses for “break” is the word for “profane.” Breaking our word, breaking our promises and our oaths – it violates the sanctity of the words we speak, turning them into something defiled, something twisted and impure. It puts us in the company of liars. It doesn’t actually matter what “size” the promise is. Our word is our word. A promise is a promise. An oath is an oath.

I have a dear friend who lives her life by the motto that she never makes a promise she cannot keep. When I first met her I thought this was just something she said, but no — this, too, is a promise she has made, and she keeps it. Because of this, her words are trustworthy. She is trustworthy. I have spent the last 20 years trying to emulate her. At times it can be surprisingly difficult, but she inspires me to take my words as seriously as she takes hers.

The Mishnah says, “One’s word remains void until mouth and heart agree.” May this week’s portion remind us of the sanctity of our words and the power of our promises and oaths. May we use these next two months leading up to Kol Nidrei to practice speaking only words of truth, only words that agree with our hearts. Then, when we stand to recite Kol Nidrei on the evening of Oct. 1, we will know we have taken one step further towards becoming people whose words are trustworthy, people who, as we are commanded in this week’s portion, truly carry out all that comes out of our mouths.