“Rabbi, before my father died, he expressed a desire to be cremated. Is this permissible in Judaism?” Such questions often arise as families, amid fresh grief, are forced to make plans for the funeral of a beloved family member.

Like so many questions of Jewish law and practice, the answer varies greatly depending to whom one asks and the role of traditional Jewish law in one’s life. As a Reform rabbi, my answer speaks for only me and, to a significant degree, for the Reform movement.

For thousands of years, traditional Jewish law has prohibited cremation. Citing the sanctity of the human body and our obligation to treat the human body with reverence in life and in death, traditional Jewish law prohibits cremation.  Rabbi Maurice Lamm summarized this position in his book, “The Jewish Way in Death and Mourning”:

“Cremation is never permitted. The deceased must be interred, bodily, in the earth. It is forbidden – in every and any circumstance – to reduce the dead to ash in a crematorium. It is an offensive act, for it does violence to the spirt and letter of Jewish law, which never, in the long past, sanctioned the ancient pagan practice of burning on the pyre…Even if the deceased willed cremation, their wishes must be ignored in order to observe the will of God. Biblical law takes precedence over the instructions of the deceased…Cremated ashes may not be buried in a Jewish cemetery… Shivah is not observed and Kaddish is not recited for them…”

To me, such an approach seems harsh, punitive and unnecessary. I have arrived at this opinion through my own personal journey as well as through thoughtful study of our tradition and observation of the people whose lives I have been blessed to touch as a rabbi.

Years ago, when my grandfather died, I was confronted for the first time with having to think about how I as a Reform rabbi and a grieving family member felt about cremation.  My grandfather, a lifelong and proud Reform Jew, had expressed his and my grandmother’s wishes clearly. They wanted to be cremated.

The family turned to me, a newly ordained rabbi, asking if this was acceptable. I did not hesitate. I knew already that the Reform movement recognized that a growing number of Jews were considering cremation, and does not condemn the practice, though also does not encourage it. I was certain that honoring my grandfather’s wishes was a more compelling value for me than honoring a “mere” tradition, even a longstanding one that has come to be understood as Jewish law. For while halachic (Jewish legal) authorities prohibit cremation without exception based on the obligation not to defile a human body, there are equally compelling (to me) reasons to honor the wishes of a dying person regarding their own body, even after death.

There are, in fact, many arguments in favor of cremation, for those who do not choose to live our lives according to the traditional interpretations of halacha. The first is this idea of bodily autonomy: No one has the right to determine what we do to our own bodies as long as we do not harm others. I believe that if someone has clearly articulated their own desire to be cremated, we should do our best to honor their wishes.

Some contemporary Reform Jews suggest that cremation is a reflection of the same ultimate goal of returning our bodies to the elements of the universe, simply in a speedier manner than traditional burial.

While many thinkers have argued that cremation is a desecration of the human body, particularly in light of the horrors of the Shoah, when so many were cruelly cremated in a manner beyond imagination, others argue that just as we should not condemn those whose bodies have been cremated against their will, so, too, we should not condemn someone who voluntarily chooses cremation.

Similarly, while some Jewish cemeteries choose not to permit the burial of cremated remains, there is no clear consensus in Jewish law prohibiting such a practice, and many cemeteries today do, indeed permit such burials.

My grandfather chose to be cremated, and our family was deeply comforted by honoring his decision. My grandmother chose to be cremated as well, as did my mother and my father, and my sister, all of them of blessed memory.  Their remains were interred in cemeteries or not, according to their wishes, and we cherish their memories as dearly as the memories of those of our loved ones who were buried according to more traditional Jewish practice.

As with so many choices of modern Jewish life, the answer to the question “What is the Jewish view of Cremation” is not so simple as “This is right, and this is wrong.” Remember that the Talmud teaches of a particular legal debate: “What is the halacha in this dispute? . . . Go out and observe what the people are doing and act accordingly.” (Berachot 45a)

What are the people doing? When I reflect on my own family and their choices, and the choices of so very many of the people with whom I have had the privilege of walking the journey of grief as their rabbi, I know that cremation, while not a traditional Jewish choice, can be a deeply meaningful and Jewish decision. I honor the right of each human being to make this choice for themselves, without judgment, with blessing.