Let’s face it ladies: men and women see things differently. There’s a lot of competition out there, a lot more available women than men statistically. A lot of beautiful women in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, and 60s who wear attractive, well-fitting clothing, becoming makeup, and gorgeous hairstyles. And if they don’t, here are the new descriptive expressions I hear from the men after a disappointing date: “she was matronly,” “sloppy,” “she looked old,” “she was heavy-set,” “her hair was completely gray,” “A gray-haired lady looks older than I do!” The men are shallow! A lot of them are swept away by a miniskirt.

And, they are not off the hook either on this issue. Psychological research shows that women tend to be self-critical, such as worrying about their fat thighs or big hips, while men overrate themselves. For men who are having difficulty meeting women, many of the desirable women wonat accept anything less than an attractive, well-dressed, WELL-GROOMED man. “Shlubby” is a new adjective I’ve heard recently (if you don’t know what that word means, don’t ask your rabbi!).

I am sorry to say that we are such a superficial society but we have to play the games that are expected by our materialistic, shallow world. If it’s not dressing up for a date, it’s dressing for a job interview, or a job, or something else. We must do it. Thereas a time and place to let it all hang out, but it’s not on a date, especially a first date. Run your outfit, hair, and makeup by a few good, honest friends of the opposite sex for feedback. Because it takes at least an hour for women to get ready for a date, whenever possible, schedule a first meeting after work. That first encounter should be only a brief meeting anyway, usually for coffee or a drink, so you’ll already be dressed appropriately and have your makeup and hair done.

All of this said, there are some mature, classy, sophisticated men who appreciate a gray haired woman who dresses modestly and doesnat wear makeup. These are not the men who are waiting for Julia Roberts to jump out of their TV. Remember ladies, men are initially attracted to a woman’s appearance, but after that, you must be able to exude the real, consequential qualities that carry a relationship: kindness, sensitivity, sincerity, warmth, softness. . . .

Look your best to be your best . . .but above all, BE YOUR BEST!

Who is Paula? Sparks Matchmaking Service strives to connect Jewish individuals for the purpose of dating, marriage, and Jewish continuity. There is no charge for her services but donations are requested in order to improve the program and to attract new participants. She can be contacted at 314-721-3638 or [email protected]